MMFB WEEK 6

Vol. 9 No. 3

Fine. YA’LL HAPPY NOW?!

I can no longer lurk in the shadows and hide in the KC Chiefs cave. Five straight weeks of consecutive high point shellacking, combined with a tendency to live FAST and rudderless, has taken its toll on the thing I love most. My sweet sweet MMFB. We’ve been through so much together…roasted so many clown shows…bared witness to so many shitty moves…documented so much daddy fat sacking. I’ve missed seeing Cecil Collins bulldoze through that banner, and I know you guys did too. I got the calls, the texts, the tugs on the shirt. From Marlins Park to Tap 42, I heard ya! “Chief man wheres the fullback.” “Chief when you gonna break us off with that MMFB.” “Chief that girl is staring at you and this one lookin fat enough to get you doing the Men in Black breakdown dance down to make ya neck work.” Even the rookie had the nerve to chirp at me. “Hey man where’s that fullback at?”…. JP, I wouldn’t let you drain the shit from my shower. Know your role as rookie in Machu and think before I stuff you in a Can Jam with your legs kicking out and your eyes peaking out of the slot like a venetian island orgy house door guard.

I am actually writing this while watching the MMFB game, and at halftime, I am clinging to a 12 point lead. I’m placing a book mark in the MMFB, and will resume when the game has gone final into a TMFB.

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Next Morning

 ……………

One Week Later

Holy smokes. Behold history in the making, the first MMFB written over the course of a week. And just like that, I AM BACK. Maybe it’s the three night bender I put my corpse through from Thursday to Sunday and my body still coursing out the good stuff, but I’m more back than a sit down in the nook pre-mid-post Tuca. Whatever it is, this rudderless and month-long winless individual is jumping right into a juju approved edition. Let’s get right to it:

THREE UP

Dixieland Delish- Take a lap Andy, you’ve earned it. Back-to-back 120+ point victories, puzzling together the 100 times broken piggy bank like Nic Cage in National Treasure to travel to Tuscaloosa for a Bama W, and scoring some new shades from Tio Smitty all count towards your MMFB slush fund and today you bow to no one except for Crosby when he takes a shit and you have to pick it up barehanded.

Sunday Suckdown- Cojones, he’s back in the weekly high pot battle for the 10^th time this year. RFP gets second billing for making up two / thirds of this weekend’s bender triumvirate in Big Bro Rene, Tio Smitty and Little Fast Horn himself. Doesn’t matter what your fantasy team does when you buy two bottles at Tuca, fall on your ass grinding with a waitress and survive hearing Ooouuuu at Club Heart at 5 am. O-Town to Jax in the McGurt here we come...my thoughts exactly Smitty.

Sucka Free- Call him Miami’s Sir Charles because our very own mini young mound of rebound is bouncing back bigger than Hall N Oates Holiday Love. Emerging from the Machee basement with me with a breakthrough weekend, Dfern gets third billing because of his strong win and me haven’t written this so long I’ve forgotten what it’s like to truly roast.

THREE DOWN

Sgt. Mafiol – I’m seriously laughing at that 50 point stinker! You take one dune buggy ride to watch some llama’s fuck in a bourbon induced haze and THAT’s what happens. The Tuca and Machee gawds weren’t happen with you this weekend after a sizzle-lean run through October. Look for that Jax bounce back.

Blooching – It’s tough to really express the Christmas Grinch smile that came upon my mug upon opening the WEZ Main message board and seeing the post from DMoney titled, “This one is on Richt.” Three straight losses and the Pastor’s seat is boiling. Couple that with a sub 80 point performance and STARTING AN INACTIVE TIGHT END and you are getting slung through the mud in here.

Que Rico – Despite a free run through The Bar Friday night that had him serving as the JJ Redick to my De’Andre Jordan and Eddie’s CP3, his Machee Sundee ended much like his hall pass with not enough steam to hit the finish line. No one’s been hit by the injury bug harder this year but you aren’t in PISS LAST place like me so deal with it.

SPORTS CLIPS’ HUSTLE SHUTTLING CLIPS OF THE WEEK

 

MELVIN

AJAYI

AJ GREENY

FORTE

LUCKY

JEREMY HEEL

CMON MON

RUBENS ENTIRE TEAM- BAAHAAHAHAA CMON MON!

Who I like on Monday night, and I mean is anyone else in the mood for a glass or three of wine tonight and a camel crush or Virginia slim:

Ah, perhaps my favorite Monday Morning Fullback segment, the Monday Night Chief picks. Only one game left in the balance and that undefeated mono is hanging with his dong out to dry. Big Bro has an 8 point lead left with his kicker, while Big Al has a little pony in CJ Anderson that is ready to trot…at home…on a Monday night. Hate to say it, but Harambe stays Shula for another week.

I’m off to O-Town and Jax for the week, I’ll see you all on the other side of the river.

-KC CHIEFS