Vol. 9 No. 2
Let us build the city of GAW and let it begin with SHMEE.
Greeting Machee’s and welcome to an all familiar edition of
the Tuesday Morning Fullback (TMFB). As you all well know, there’s going to be
plenty of times a year when the MMFB gets shellacked so bad on Sundee or did it
so big on Saturdee that he has no choice but to lick his wounds and hunker down
like Andres’ car parked outside Smitty’s crib for 72 hours.
And oh what a Saturdee it was, as just shy of half the
league banded together to simultaneously celebrate and ignore Davey’s upcoming nuptials.
It was just like old times harkening back to Belen and Gville as the older
generation of Big Bro’s took Little Bro’s under the respective wings to show
them what watching and enjoying a Florida Gators football game is all about aka
Dfern’s worst nightmare…
That’s right. How to have the perfect Saturday, starting at
6 pm and ending at 6 am, was in session. Notebooks were out as first period
began at Treehouse for Shmee’ing 101. Every working diligently like Keebler Elf’s
at the fudge factory. May as well have been singing a little yo ho theme song.
A look around the room saw a lot of smiling faces. Once Shmee 101 was done, we
were off to Ba(e)tch outside door table for second period aka La Entrada. A round
of drinks, a splitty of gritty, some good talks with Rodney and Dorian before
scooting off to the restroom and the runny egg runway to be SEEN. Oh and to
watch the Gators, my B!!!, Go Gators. Anyways, it’s not long before it’s time
for home room, which occurs a short climb of the limestone and a hop skip of
the tracks away. It is there where like any good home room, good times are
head. Unfortunately, I have to flunk Davey for this period as he opted or was
coerced into staying back with a fearful Big Bro, instead of riding with his
new Big Bro! After a quick photo sesh for the people, we are back in Ba(e)tch
to resume finishing strong fourth period. It is here where drinks ramp up and a
furious rally of chirping at everyone in sight goes down. And of course
cheering for the orange and blue!!! Finally, the clock strikes zero and it’s
off for a final marinade and holla at the door. From there, it’s time to chill
in the Tuca icebox, but not before geology class in the fifth period. There’s a
beauty to Tuca and it lies in it’s surrounding nooks and crannies. A veritable
Galapagos Island of indigenous fauna and little sweet spots just meant to sit
and shmee shmee shmee. Davey and I had a great time at the 7-11 house bungalow
where we enjoyed a full couples massage (read: shmee). Once in Tuca, it’s all
about the waiting game. 90 minutes spent in solitude is the final perfect
pregame for when the crowd rushes in…and they always do. From there, you know
what happens, it’s the last period and all your homework will be put to the
test, chirping, hollering, vacilando, bailando, surviving the lucha libre mask
doorman, ignoring the calls from home base. With that, your night is done, and
man the Gators played great!
ONTO THE GOODS
THREE UP
Sunday Suckdown- Back to back winner of the league high pot
challenge, no one is running hotter than hornsky. It’s good to be Richie these
days. Survived a busy week, got crowned Big Bro by Davey, expert at shmee’ing
and watching his squad cruise behind Forte, Kelvin, D’Angelo and co. Expect another
high flying week from Rich in Week 3 / Beat UT.
The Bank – To be the man, you’ve got to beat the man and
Smitty did that by beating the breaks off ole Chief straight into Tuesday. I
saw this nightmare week coming from a mile away and boy did it break off in my
fache. The two tight end set worked to perfect, the Cam to Greg double up,
Legarette Blounting the Dolphins. Didn’t need to watch one fantasy show or one
set of rankings to see this paliza coming my way.
Sucka Free- Hey! (dodges tomato from Rene). Don’t you dare
throw tha—( ducks from Al head of cabbage). Everyone simmer down! (JP spits on
at the stage). First, he survives being off the namesake plate, now he’s in the
three up? Dfern gets the final salutations for surviving the aforementioned
school session. It was a trying afternoon and evening for him, but he left with
his heart and pampers full. His team also performed admirably as Carson had a
good day, both his backs remained sturdy and he got another fresh squeeze out
of orange Julius. Proof he was there folks and even got a nibble!
THREE DOWN
Que Rico – The injury bug first nibbled with Keenan, and
then chomped with the Woodpecker as Kebron’s Charger laden squad hit the skids.
Not too mention Arian going down like a sack of papas with his swiss cheese
barbaro horse ween. Somehow, he’s staying above water with some savvy moves on
the wire in Pitta and Williams, but Kebron could use a weekend in Eden East
healing up.
Blooching – Much like his Canes, D$’s squad is suffering
through an early bout with mediocreitis. He hasn’t had that league winning week
output yet from Shady, ARob, etc to combine with ARodg’s usually healthy
output. Still, welcome back to revelance as those new Adidas jerseys do bring
the 3-stripe life hype to life.
Andres- Woo doggie. Look at this turd festering at the
bottom of the toilet bowl. Couldn’t even beat Ruben’s jankie squad when his QB
is on one leg. Hang in there buddy, Alabama looked great on Saturday.
SPORTS CLIPS’ HUSTLE SHUTTLING CLIPS OF THE WEEK
SUPER CAM
MATT FORTE
MATTY ICE
DIGGLET
THE BENJAMEENS
CMON MON
Doug Baldwin- Docta said I neeed a backeotomy! 3 points!
CMON MON!
Arian Fostree- Docta said I need an everythingotomy! 0.9!
CMON MON!
Moncrief - CMON MON-CRIEF!
1 POINT!
Rawls – NOT AS GOOD AS LIUTENANT ON THE WIRE! 2 POINTS! CMON
MON!
Dougie – TEACH ME HOW TO DUECIE! 2 POINTS! CMON MON!
That’s all she wrote, now make like Ruben when he’s found a
fresh target and work….
KC CHIEFS
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