Vol 8. No.7
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
WEEEEEEEEEEEE! LET’S GO CHAMP!
It’s the Chief,
otherwise known the Croqueta de la Casas Champ, coming through on a Monday
afternoon with a celebratory Week 13 Fullback. Don’t give me that look. I know
it’s been two weeks since the last MMFB and I can see those heads shaking. “I
done been refreshing this page for a week waiting for a fresh roast champ!
Where were you at when you were on the ropes champ!”
Where do you
think I was?! Right here pissed off and crapping my pants because my annual
squad of underachievers have been falling short due to everyone cheating and conspiring against me. Alas,
two weeks have changed me….alot…..and it can change you too. (Chief Khaled
voice post Fingalickin Red Velvet cake) That’s right. UM has a new coach in
Reverend Tortilla that’s got D$ doing the two step. And them Gator boys
finished off a story book season, for us personally, not for the actual team
because who the hell cares about going a lucky 10-3. While the boys celebrated
in Atlanta, the girls gathered in the Bar in Miami and so it was that a two
week turn up received it’s fateful So So Def punctuation.
With that in
mind, the MMFB will be taking a different approach now that the dust has
settled on Put Up or Shut Up week. So let us begin, by saying our goodbyes to the
four sad sacks who couldn’t cobble their way into the playoffs. Starting at the
bottom.
Andres- If it
was for the 900 snap chats of the same Port of Miami picture and Alabama
punching a ticket to getting dock’d by Sparty, I’d send you a fruit basket to
cheer you up. Clarification: the kind where a guy shows up at your doorstep
bent over with his dick and nuts tuck bunched together, not a strawberry / kiwi
platter. Next year’s buy in is going to cost you damn near half a G stack so I
suggest you start saving now because the very few people that have an appetite
in that room are going to come hungry just to stick it to you. There is nothing
more empingado than a last place finish and it couldn’t happen to a bigger
excuse maker than you papa!!!!!!
Jav- What can I say Bubba. You stepped up
everywhere you could this season. The porno was delightful. The draft night
binger was on point. The spread for that Thursday nighter was Pelayo and Costa
Bear was divino. Your one word answers to my trade offers were expected.
Overall, you’ve secured your spots in the Chief good graces. Everyone’s been
bitten by the injury bug but losing Charles, Edelman and Forte cooked your
season. That said, I have no choice but to throw you Rocket League style into
the small fishing vessel alongside Yellow Hammer / Brown Shit head.
Kebron- ANOTHER
ONE. This unlucky ducky spent all year waddling and shitting more sludge than
Rubz buck naked on the can passed out on Sunday morning in the Embassy Suites
Buckhead. He stole Julio Jones and Andres’ undies and it wasn’t enough to
overcome hitching his wagon to the Chicken Parm and Injured Alshon. You lose a
couple extra points for bringing back the fabled double headed de pinga monster
two back attack in Ronald Hillman and Cedric Jefferson Anderson. The Machucando
basement has been hard for you to escape since your first day in this
league…now get on that boat and hands off my croquetas.
Dfern- Karma.
Defined as kar·ma (in Hinduism and Buddhism) the sum of a person's
actions in this and previous states of existence, viewed as deciding their fate
in future existences. Couldn’t have said it better myself, fair webster. The
wheels were set in motion for this team’s poor path on draft night post el gato
offensive and I couldn’t be happier to see the two-time champ turned Machu chump. Due to your slowly declining levels of toxicity, we have reached a
Captain Phillips scenario where the other 3 numbnuts on the SS Ni Pinga Fish have
asked that you be placed in a separate vessel. I’ve made such accommodations
for you to sail away from the Miami Beach Pier, into the great offseason. But
something tells me your voyage will play out like much of this football season
has for Ole Captain DildoFern……
Time breakdown:
: 25 end of last season, happy as a clam, a
proud captain on and off the field
1:00 waking up post Medellin missing in action to being two
votes shy of boot
1:15 where are my boys! What is going on with my team! Am I
watching this Gator game with enough women to fill a suffrage rally
2:30 current mood
I will be back tomorrow with Part 2, a celebration for the
Elite 8.
KC CHIEFS
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