Vol. No. 8
Here we go. I apologize for the day delay in between MMFB’s,
but I’ve been trying to obtain a copy of Dfern singing karaoke to “Medium Pace”
Saturday night at The Bar. All I was able to find was a still photo of the
exact moment he yelled, “SEE THAT SHAMPOO BOTTLE NOW STICK IT UP MY ASS!”
The bearded bouncer perked his ears up and turned around to
see what the hell was going on at that point only to see he was singing and acting out the lyrics.
Anyways, where was I. Ah yes,
celebrating the Elite 8 that is the Machucando Playoffs. All year long, these
gentlemen scratched and clawed their way, living 0.1 to 0.1. The Fantasy Gods
laid blessings upon blessings on them allowing them all to have the opportunity
to make a run at the brand new Machu Trophy. I was originally going to break
down and give everyone an individual salute, not to be mistaken for the
signature Rubz beej, but that time will come when I publish the annual Machu
Hall of Champions Edition at the start of Machu Bowl Week.
So without further or do, let’s look at the matchups you’ve
been staring at for the past 3 days:
1/ Don Pan vs 8/ Blooching: Both these guys have experienced
a miserable fall when it comes to actual football, but both are cheesing harder
than Fuller after visiting the World of Coca Cola Factory in Atlanta. Don Pan’s
team has cruised rather comfortably for most of the season and cemented his
spot at the top when he lifted Gronk off the Suckdown for pennies on the
dollar. His approach reads like a DJ Khaled Snapchat, but he’s sporting some
different pillows.
Another
key to more success pic.twitter.com/EJdgwlZV3X
—
DJ Khaled Snapchat (@DJKhaledSnaps) December
4, 2015
Meanwhile, Bloochin has to be celebrating ala his namesake.
A long time Machu pipe line and after thought off the field, the kid finally
broke through to the playoffs in a shorter amount of time than it’s taken UM to
reach Charlotte. His approach reads like a DJ Khaled Snapchat as well.
Dove
soap is key pic.twitter.com/IoCCQShrfQ
—
DJ Khaled Snapchat (@DJKhaledSnaps) November
30, 2015
Regarding their matchup, I see nothing on paper to keep me
from going with the Don in this one.
2/ Sgt. Mafiol vs. 7/ Beard Papa- Another pair of high
risers through the fall get an extra hard pat on the back from the Chief for
their season long exploits. Rubens rise from Machu target Number 1, to Machu
laughing stock, to Machu pretender turned Machu steadyhand has been quite
remarkable. It feels like just yesterday we kicked him out of the league for
similarly living a Medium Pace / Cyndi Lauper Girls just wanna have fun life,
but his 180 has cemented him with the karma and fantasy gods alike. His team
has followed his life style…out of control, high ceiling and plenty of dabbing.
But the playoffs are here, and I fear what a cool down could do.
Davey’s fall has also been a rollercoaster. The first of two
baby bros to take a knee on life this year, he’s now placed his roots in the
grove and has somehow managed to breathe life into some crustily old haunts. If
you want a PBR and to wail Living on a Prayer at the top of your lungs on a
Friday at 7 pm, Davey in an all denim jacket in the corner of Cuda’s is your
guy. What a visual. Sorry, lost my train of thought.
This matchup had all the makings of a 12 / 5 upset special,
but Ingram’s shoulder could be the key here as he may not have the Saratoga
horses to overcome the loss of Fantasy’s No. 3 RB.
3/ Darryl Strawberry vs. 6/ Bank- The Machu gods had it in
for these two on this one of our league’s biggest historic rivalries get ready
for a first round throwdown. Al’s strong standing going into the playoffs makes
perfect sense because he has not seen the light of day, a trago, droga or non
computerized Brazzer boob for the past several months. His spare bedroom is a
glorified jack shack turned Fantasy war room with enough projections, analysis
and computer models to make Matthew Berry look like an overly chiefed Andres at
his first auction. Tannehill! $20 dollars! Oh ya daddo!!!!
Meanwhile in Bank ville, Smitty has been fighting his
playoff life with a bigger gusto than fighting for his real life. He dug out
from an 0-4 start aka battled Rubz in Rubz gate. He went on a torrid hot streak
aka opted out of Twisted Theater I at Treehouse (deranged clown laugh, mid
steak and egg bite). He cooled off a bit aka weathered through the annual
Smitty-Turkey day sickness and now he’s ready to pile on the points and do some
damage aka Killed it at Kramer’s with the boot scoot boogie and has his egg nog
poured up into Clark Griswold’s Moose Cup. There’s a lot of point potential on
both these teams, but I have to go with the slightly hotter hand in Smitty for
this first round matchup.
4/ Sunday Suckdown vs. 5/ KC Chiefs- A clash of the East
Kendall Block Kings as the respective Q4 MVP goes head to head with the Q1 MVP.
Richie’s roller coaster of a fall has been well documented. An exemplary family
man left all too often to his own devices on Saturdays, he has no choice but to
roll the fun over into the wee hours up through Sunday. He has yet to
stabilize, choosing instead to equalize, which I can firmly say is a good
thing. Except for a few hiccups here and there
and here and there again
Down the block is yours truly aka the plug. My fantastic
fall has rolled right in line with the previous stories. I’ve clashed heads. I’ve
kept calm. I’ve eaten, though some may disagree, and now I’m ready to keep the
good times going.
Did you know in the two year’s we’ve battled, I’ve never
beaten Little Richie? No wonder I’m always up to lead the charge in kicking him
out of the league! Will the legendary Machu King Chief’s Chiefs, back in the
playoff picture, be able to snap that streak?
KC CHIEFS
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