MMFB WEEK 2

Vol. 8 No. 2

Oh hey….you guys….again. We’ve got a late afternoon edition of the MMFB this week because my memory is a little fuzzy. As I sit here in my plush office, staring at the wall, my mind flutters like a pair of shit filled cansonsillos at Malibu Grand Prix…piecing together an unholy jigsaw puzzle of thoughts from the past several days…

 

(Puts my Batch shades on = Canes Shades and drifts away to the sounds of Hotline Bling)

….Did Andres really start a shit talking thread titled “Deelish”….Is the airport really back in business…..Did anyone buy that sad sack apology post from Dfern…..How did he not get shredded for that unreadable bull…..(Metro Mover rumbles through the tracks)….Has anyone checked if D$ is alive after Travis Benjamin’s two week come up….Did Andres drive all the way up to a trailer park to watch an over the hell team get their saggy southern tits rocked….How much PTB can Smitty PTB if PTB is PTB with the 3……3…….3…..if 2 plus 1 equals 3, take the square root and multiply it times 3….it equals 3….and the 3 to me is 3 for free….shmee…..

Deciphering the above formula can be done simply with the back of a napkin. Except I hold all the cocktail napkins. And I only share when I want. Onto the goods!

3 UP

KC CHIEFS – Machucando is all just one big game of charades, ain’t it fellas? Coming up with that choice word, that simply changes the night is akin to that one lineup decision that wins the week. Or so I hear. 3 for 3 with the 3 and 2 for 2 in Machee after Vinatieri split’s the uprights like Alabama’s Atlanta dreams and Andres’ piggy bank come the first of the month. Arodg had the POWER, Woodpecker GALVanized the flex and AJ Green was PAKI’d a punch for a lineup that was simply 2candela. Literally, everyone would have steam rolled Mr. Tide’s turds this week….but I guess I’m lucky…on a hot streak if you will. When it chooses you….don’t fight it.

SGT MAFIOL – What is this? MMFB Dejavu? I can hear the groans now of the paradoxical universe the MMFB has become to start the year as Rubz gets yet another scoop of joy from the arduous rival Chief. But those eyes....those bloodshot red Feeny eyes. From the crack house to the pent house, the man continues blazing his own glorious path. Huh? What’s that? Oh, yeah, his fantasy team won too but who cares. That like asking me the score to the Gator game Saturday night. Who cares!

THE DEN – I had the Suckdown for a smoldering 3 am 3 conquest and Don Pan’s sweet offering of the Red Zone Cavern, powered by Sonos, battling it out for this coveted spot, but in the end, nothing trumps 1080p nonbuffering semi-annual pass to Brazzers town. NOTHING. NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!! Even with Romo going down in heap and being outscored by his kicker, Jav laid the claim to the one true Epiphany king this week. I apologize for cursing you last week as I was wholeheartedly rooting for you, but alas, take a bow Javer.

3 DOWN

SUCKA FREE – A no brainer. 

BEARD PAPI – The man who is singlehandedly trying to bring back Cuda’s in the grove as a place more than the spot homeless grove hippies go for a cum busting gloryhole and toxic dumpster farts committed the worst crime known to Machu. Rolled over and gave big bro a cheap win. By the way, heard some things about you running amok for a little bit in Miami, Dave3. We’ll see….Remember, you do not choose it. It ch-ch-ch-chooses you Young Wiggum.

PAPAYA – Kabron said everything you need to know about his team yesterday. He is somehow still waiting for a TD from anyone on his team that isn’t a QB. His greatest bright spot IS peyton manning. Conio and the El Viejo Steve Smith hung up a 20 piece? I’m sending Papaya to Coach Fui’s Im Possible Training Camp this week and look for him to rebound next week. Note: King Chief is a spokesperson for Coach Fui’s Elite Camp and endorses this message

THE VACATION DAZE ALL-STARS: For those who balled out and deserve that vacation, but are simply just tapped out on remaining time off by September. That’s right. Not even a half day. Not for our boy Frank Shirley-Fern.

 “I need a vacation
I'm goin to Decatur where it's greater
See if I can stack me up some paper”

Thomas Brady

Larry Fitz

D’Angelo

Travis Benjamin

Antonio Brown

CMON MON, Tucandela version inspired, of course

Jeremy Hill – The 0.5 dingo delight in my fache. CMON MON

Miami D – No Suh! GOOSE EGG! CMON MON

Mike Evans – Let me ask you a question….have you ever been…to New Orleans? GOOSE EGG. CMON MON

Eddie Lacy – Let me ask you a question….you ain’t tryin to EAT? .9! CMON MON

Keenan Allen – Chalk this one up to Rivers being a dick. My man. .6 CMON MON

Who I like on Monday night, and I mean, WE GOIN TO INDY:

Ah, perhaps my favorite Monday Morning Fullback segment, the Monday Night Chief picks. I feel like Templeton at the fair….intoxicated by the veritable smorgasboard of trash I dance around in with these picks. I’ve got me dropping Andres to 0-2 on the weekend by way of the double decker. Deelish. At least treat yourself to a much deserved cross eyed toes curl paja in the first quarter. And lock your door man. Toby has a thing for walking in on ill timed public tugs. A barn burner between historical rivals D$ and Jacksonsmitty pairs Dinero to a white hoss and Raul to an African ivory. Stay white Miami. Dinero wins. And finally we have an all but over matchup between yesterday’s gossipers. Trying to squeeze one drop of whole milk out my cashed udders for 5 hours. READ THE COLUMN INTRO GUYS…..I.don’t.remember. Rubz winz, but it’s closer then the experts think.

Additional note:

I’ve got my targets set on you silent bobs. One week in…take a look in the mirror if you haven’t laid a post calling someone out to the carpet. A league message board filled with crappy Dfern posts is not a league message board anyone wants to be a part of. Come to the carpet and bring your A game.

 Till next week!

KC Chiefs