MMFB Week 12

 / Ancient Alien overlord tea wears off.

//wakes up nakey in the office

Vol. 7 No. GFY

Greetings from the Machucando basement! It’s been quite some time since I’ve penned my weekly column, but returning from Pura Smitty 2014 on a Monday late afternoon has sent the board and my general interest in life into a tailspin. Work, the Gators, the Dolphins, Thanksgiving, Christmas, the Fullback. Nothing matters, outside of watch the Cavaliers. And that nothing certainly extends to Machu. All Cielo Azul long I had to stomach buffoon’s chirping about a 5 yard gain here and Aaron Rodgers scrambling for 14 yards. Hot tip gentlemen….no one gives a flippity flying hot fart fuck!!!!! Not only do I not give a fat rats ass about all of your perpetually average squad, I hope you all lose, and I hope you all lose in epic fashion so you will STFU until next year when I cram a mechanical dildo up Brooklyn’s ass for cutting loose a peo frescito that sidetracked my team for the entire year! There will only be 1 winner, and I will unveil the my little pony I am backing in next week’s fullback, until then, eat dirt.

So is life in the Machu basement, where I’ve created a nice 90’s like spread under the living room of Machu’s 8 strong playoff teams. My fridge is stocked with Surge, I’m hogging my Sega Genesis so Dinero can’t play as me and Davey continue our month long rivalry in Joe Montana Football and the jock james are blasting as I comb the AOL chatroom for a grainy jpeg of a woman I’ve never seen, but I’ve heard goes by the surname of “Wendy Whoppers.”  I do what I want down here and ain’t nothing yall can do to stop me!!!!

Onto the Goods!

3 UP

Parrot Heads – Stop the presses! The MMFB is officially lifting Alex Canela’s suspension to coincide with the return of Josh Gordon and his trip to another continent. I hold this suspension amongst my finest grudges, placing Uncle Al in the MMFB penitentiary for pissing me off this offseason and takin shot’s at Machu’s quality of life. That said, AL has done what AP couldn’t do to rectify his standing with the fair Commissioner Chief Goodell. He got his annual panties ripped off in a trade so fast, Bill Cosby would squirt his zibittybopdoobop jello pudding load knowingly in his pleated pants. And he sent me this picture of him dining on fresh, streetside jamon that will be used for photoshops for years to come. Congrats and bow before the playoff one seed you sack suckers!

El Blanco, I mean El Banco – Revenge is a dish best served fresh from Roger’s cuccina. After handing Dinero his lone victory of the season, Smitty’s squad would not go walking down that lonely road again. Still flying high from his Jaco trip and then some, Smitty used his year long formula to power himself to victory: Let Demariyus, TY Guy and A-Rodg blow up plus hope the 6 other turkeys don’t shit themselves. Gold and good enough to bring home the MMFB Silver on this horrible Monday.

Sucka Free- and loving it! Nestled on the couch for a Sunday afternoon football feast with Ernie, Toby, Rebel and Dfern’s boy of boys, CHIP, at Jackson, Dfern brought out the whip and thrashed it on Eddie Lacy’s beeeehind. Couple a wise Romo start and of course, Alfie putting up a performance in my fache comparable to AP’s son grabbing that stitch mid nut crack, hulking out and then beating AP into a pulp. 

1 DOWN

KC Chiefs – (Matt Stafford dips arrow in fire, cocks it side arms, rips it…NI PI….again, NI PI…Dfern Tully grabs the bow, judges wind and cranks….KC Chiefs burn away as ghoulish farts burn off the carcass along with the lottery ticket cries of Josh Gordon, Boom Herron and Jeremy Hill and others lost along the way)

The Den – Strictly because the BangBros Airport is once again down. The annual high of Jav coming through, followed by the annual fists slamming on the desk as you find out the Airport is closed.  JAVVVVVV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

The Cherry Reds will not be lit this edition, in honor of Dfern’s spanking, but I would be remised if I did not offer a CMON MON!

Denver D- A mile high mojon! Negativo! CMON MON!

Dinero’s squad- More single digits on this team than Andres rolling into Eleven. He might not have the 20 dollars to cover cover, but he’s got a wad of fat Washington’s ready to disperse in the nearest tangee. CMON MON!

Don Francisco- Conio Franky! Serving up the San Francisco doo doo treat. 1 point! CMON MON!

Jonas Gray- Ahora si! A good ole fashioned Bill Bellichek dickhead goose egg! CMON MON!

Who I like on Monday Night, and I mean I will once again be watching Homeland and baby sitting Toby instead of watching this shiat:

Ah, perhaps my favorite MMFB segment. The Monday Night Chief picks. Up to 9-3 this year, it’s about the only thing I’m doing well in picking this year. Look at these matchups!

 

We have a robust schedule of to picks so let’s dive right in. Chauffer’s 19 point cushion plus Owen Daniels should be enough to topple Chaufee and Ingram. Davey is down 55 points with Torrey, Ebony and Ivory and a kicker to boot. Davey ain’t winning a hot diggity damn this year. Big Al cruises bartha style. Rubz is up a 12 piece and flew all the way to New York to support Upper Decker in a cushiony battle vs Sammy and Big Jav. Rubz polishes off the victory en route to his pressure packed Wednesday in the Big Apple. And finally the big show…FVO, Finka’s very own Cuban cowboy Kebron squares up versus his LA Fitness nemesis in Richie. Kebron is down 7 with el yimmy, forsett and tucker, while Richie is trotting out Steve Smith Sr, who is still viable?, Colstee, who is is still viable? And Buffalo D, oh so viable. Give the nod to el cubiche Kebron here over the rookie biotch.

Till Next Time!

-KC Chiefs