MMFB Week 6

Vol 7. No. 5

 4:05 p.m. Monday. 

And here.we.go. Not quite sure how I’m sitting here right now, still dealing with stomach curdling events of Gentlemen’s Weekend IV in Gainesville. 

I can’t walk right, my stomach fluctuates every 5 minutes from “You have 8 seconds to get to a toilet to let this demonic turd out” and “This is the Berlin Wall and you will never get the satanic contents present in here out,” my back is literally bruised, my neck is dealing with the after-effects of a post Gator TD Rubz head lock, I tried to take a piss this afternoon and instead of landing in the bowl it flew like in the pattern of a crazy twisty straw and landed in some dudes mocachino who was innocently washing his hands, my lips are chapped from maximum weekend pecking and I woke up this morning looking back at two straight late nights at Steak and Shake knowing…

Ah, so yes, weekend highlights from the Gator-Rene caravan. Please note (peck) select (pecky peck) details (Peckington Palace) have been excerpted from the Chief recap (Peckers!!!). Friday night featured a soaked evening of humanity at Grog House with Dfern catching and letting go enough fish to make Simon Peter of Galilee look like a spearfishing n00b. The cherry on top would be your truly eating shit down a flight of stairs in front of 30 people. Nothing brings the honeys home like biffing it down 12 stairs with sludge on your back! From there I needed another 13 hours to gain my bearings, while the tailgate popped off. Lifestyle was played, The Club went up…on a Tuesday, and as expected, what began as a slow sipping good time turned into the Foot Soldiers clubhouse from the 1^st ninja turtle movie. Gators lost because of 98 separate plays good players on good teams with good coaches do, while love was provided to Cece Jefferson before shutting it down. Alas, here we are 48 hours later where I am barely scraping by today…and you guys are loving it!

Onto the goods!

3 UP

Graduated Bama? NIO! – Following Andresh’s weekly offering to me of Isaiah Crowell and some other unspeakable bench fodder, he kindly pointed out to me that he had better be in the 3 up or he is going to cut his weekly hours from 13 to 8. And I’m not about watching anymore loaf life than I’ve had to see following summer’s with Kebron and literally every day Eddie sleeping in.  A .500 team in the standings continues to pulverize its way through the league as Andrew Luck, Gio and Dez get their weekly good eats. Toss in some always solid production from G-Reg and Andres’ floor is as stable as the flooring he’s hawking door to do. Nice job this week by my favorite Del Carmen.

The Bank- We have 150! The lone Gator in the league who actually wanted to go this week but couldn’t make it for a legitimate reason absolutely pasted Davey in this empire state sized showdown. With Demariyus back on track and Aaron Rodgers playing the dickless Dolphins, Smitty’s chops were already being licked following a Thursday night TY feast. Sorry Davey, you may think you’re the “new” big thing in New York, but JJ Smitty looking over like: 

El Caballo- (seething, huffing, puffing) Quietly, Kebron has catapaulted to the near top of the standings with a 5-1 record after giving big bro the business. No one went off, which isn’t necessary against my squad, but Philadelphia D brought the Ottto knows esque truth last night finishing any incoherent dreams I had of sneaking this one out.  Keep eating Ferriberto.

3 Down

KC Chiefs- Week 7 and my back is already up against the wall! 2-4 with a bunch of dog shit and lottery tickets. If this team doesn’t catch heat in the second half, I will be ending my season like:

 Sunday Suckdown- League Machucando’s least favorite fence rider is getting that A-1 rookie treatment. I’d chalk it up to many reasons, but we all know the King Chief karma fell on your head for bowing out of Gent’s Weekend IV. The bye week blues had Richie singing like Muddy Waters, but you ain’t gonna catch any sympathy from the bottom of this scrap heap!

The team that goes here scores 80 points and his Monday was spent loafing and pulling mid Columbus Day pajas. 

THE DFERN CHERRY RED HEELS ALL-STARS

 For the Fantasy performers who catered to you, while keeping eye contact without blinking for one millisecond:
- Killa Cam

 -The Big Ty guy
- Matt Forty
- Tom Brady
- Orange Julius
 

 CMON MON

-Papa Heath- 2 point delight! CMON MON!

-Steven Jax- Woopsie Daisy! 2 point dingo! CMON MON!

-Percy Have Mercy- UNO! CMON MON!

-CJ2K- This one is quite pungent for weeks now. Stings the nostrils. UNO! CMON MON!

Who I like on Monday night, and I mean WHY is this game being forced down America's gullet:

Ah, perhaps my favorite Monday Morning Fullback segment, the Monday Night Chief picks. Up to 6-2 after running the table in my last picks, let's see what stinkers we have in store for the unforunate souls watching this NFC battle. Machucando's basement battle between Big Jav and the ole shit master himself, Dinero is as stinky as it gets. I am calling the nutty kicker inspired upset as D$ leads Blooching to victory, unlike Jeff Driskel. The only other game in the balance brings us this weekend's cuddle buddies. Rene claims he heard you guys playing creepy crawlies both nights once lights went out and man in the mirror started to play. Down 15 and facing a kicker, Dfern needs a quality outting from Kaepernick and once again, I'm flying in the face of the Machu odds makers.....Dfern wins!

Till Next Week!

KC CHIEFS