MMFB WEEK 3

Vol . 7 No. 3

Hot damn, week 3 and I’m already in the KING KONG BUNDY SHITTER. Me cago en la requete madre que te pario and may a hail storm of pigeon shit rain down on your head this afternoon as you make your way back to whatever doo-doo laden place you call home. Everyone is on my shit list. I’m talking EVERY.BODY.  Out of my way you trolls, I’m going in!

1.)    Miami Dolphins: Can’t believe 3 games in and you are doing this to us again. No salvation in sight either. These receivers trying to catch the balls that are being sprayed all over the field like if the devlish offspring of John Brantley and Jeff Driskel was in the pocket for the aqua and orange. Speaking of which….

2.)    Florida Gators:  You know what, these TURDS ain’t even worth the ether. FREE TREON. FIRE MUSCHAMP. CUT DRISKEL. FREE KT.

3.)    Machucando: Let’s see who’s falling short of keeping up their end of the league bargain. EVERYONE. Thus far, Dfern is the only one’s who’s stepped their game up this season on the boards. Read that line and let that sink in. Read that line again again and let that doubly sink in. Big Jav is also in good graces for providing sweet sweet porno. The rest of you? I’M WAITING. Bring a little something more to the boards, and if you drop a stinky turd post like Rubz last week that bombs harder than Andres in a job interview, who cares!!!!! All you are doing is looking like a STUPID BOOB in front of the league!!!! So what!!!! It’s just a stinky turd post attached to your name that leaves you smelling like you stepped in a steamy, swirly dog poo!!!!!

Onto the goods!

2 UP

The Bank- Huh? What? He’s got a game in the balance. Save it for the MMFB Chief Picks, Chief. Smitty gets top billing, and one of the lone how do you do’s this week for bringing me under his wing and showing me the finer things of beach life. A normal Saturday usually spent getting blasted with HOT AIR in my FACHE by Gators who claim their greater but couldn’t be gayer was salvaged…with an invite to Soho House. MMFB REENACTMENT:

From the duos and quartets of past-their-but-still-oh-so-prime snakes patrolling and looking to get down on my crotch trio, to running into Sly Stalone in the valet line and telling that leathery fuck to go make another expendables movie…that blows DICK!....and throwing down a street fight with him, it was a Saturday morning in Paradise. Note to league: if you ever by some miracle receive an invite from MEMBER Smitty, be sure to capitalize instead of rolling around in bed at 11:30 a.m….SNORLAX-FERN YOU IDIOT.

Rene- I’ll let prison Mike put it best.

Your posts may be short and sweet unless you’re coming at me like the masses coming at Goodell, but I can’t help but toast a little rozay to the Don for toppling over-uben-ated. That’s right, much like the 72 fins celebrating their undefeated season, the Chiefs also pop a little bubbly in celebration of their own undefeated season, when the last Machu unbeaten goes down in flames.

3 DOWN

El Caballo- More like el caballeet. Thus far, that 2 headed de pinga monster this season has roared like a de pinga machine with el yeemy being the only one to show up. Meanwhile, KeBron keeps search for su primo Jordan Cameron to come down the street.

Sunday Suckdown- Gentlemen, don’t be alarmed when the updated standings get released tomorrow. There’s a good chance you may see the league rookie there. As he should be.  Richie’s 1^st dance on the Machu dance floor has played out like real life Richie on the dance floor…..the rook is busting fantasy football dance moves that would make Elvis Presley poop his jumper, Buddy Holly break his face his emo nerd glasses (which Rubz will pick up and wear out) and Chubby Checkers do the twist as everyone looks on in question. Meanwhile the rest of Machu be on the dance floor like….

GET WITH THE PROGRAM PUERTO!!!

Blooching -  I’m hiring Danny Vasquez to personally fly a banner over your house on Saturday’s that reads: #ISTANDWITHTHEBLOOCH. Dinero’s team is a who’s who of who’s who. Larry Donnell and Matt Asiata are hunkering this squad down. POUNCE!

THE DFERN CHERRY RED HEELS ALL-STARS

  

For the Fantasy performers who catered to you, while keeping eye contact without blinking for one millisecond: ANDRES ENTIRE TEAM IN MY FUCKIN FACE. 

CMON MON

Hiring this guy to play at this year's award ceremony:

For the Fantasy performers, or ill made decisions made by their GM’s, that submarined your chances at winning. 

-Matt Stafford- WOOF goes the DAWG. 4 piece. CMON MON!

-Zack DURRRTZ- 2 piece! Brent Celek buddy! CMON MON!

-Antonio Gates- Atta boy! 1.3 piece! CMON MON!

-Carolina- LET THE BIG CAT ROAR! GOOSE EGG! CMON MON!

-Don Francisco Gore- YO SOY GUAJIRO! BUST OUT EL CHAKAL! 1 POINT! CMON MON!

-Cameron Jordans- CAM ON MAN! 

Who I like on Monday night, and I mean, I'm making and Dfern and watching the premiere of Gotham on FOX tonight. 

 

 

Ah, perhaps my favorite Monday Morning Fullback segment, the Monday Night Chief picks. 2 in 1 in last week's picks, but let's see whats on tap esta noche. Smitty needs 18 points tonight, and I think this one is closer than the experts think! Dfern by a hair. In the only other game up for grabs, KeBron is also holding on by 18 points versus Alshon Jeffrey. Another one falls short. Giddy up El Caballo!

Until next week!

 

-KC CHIEFS