TMFB Week 9

It’s quiet out there in Machucando…too quiet. To quote Captain Hadley in Shawshank, if I hear so much as a mouse fart in here the rest of the night I swear by God and sonny Jesus you will all visit the infirmary. Every last motherfucker in here! 

Indeed, la cosa esta fea on this Tuesday afternoon off Broward Boulevard. Following a Sunday Funday that saw Dfern chug more rozay over the course of 6 hours at George’s and RA Sushi, it was all fat Georgia peaches heading into Sunday night….then Kebron hung dong on me with Donny Brown on Sunday night and I haz sad. Losing a winnable game to baby bro had me feeling like Johnathan Martin after shitting his pants at Malibu Gran Prix, except instead of dishing his shit filled undies behind the toilet, all the campers found out and chased him out of the building. The perception of the Dolphins lost, the Gators lost, the Canes lost, the Chief lost and hell in a rare occurrence, even Rubz lost!

Onto the goods!

3 UP

Graduated Bama – And now, he’s returning to Bama. The first feeding of the turkey breast meat goes to Andres for pulling off a must win game over his former employer / slave driver. When squeezed into a Machu corner, Andres did what any desperate Machu owner would do…he grabbed his little Nick Saban sized dick and gave it hell. A midweek trade, and a nice 30 burger from TY gave this mojon a big dub and showed Houston’s finest a thing or two about minimum wage laws. Machucando said, don’t let the man hold you down Andres and he responded in his truest bluest suit on a shell shocked Texas toast Smitty…

O.W.G.W. – Uncle Tony hasn’t said much on the boards this year, which may lead to a Machucando first should this boob slither his way into the Machu Bowl with my steel toe Chavs boot waiting for him. But how am I not going to celebrate someone who puts up THREE .5’s AND starts a guy that I still don’t know who he plays for (WHAT IS A DREW DAVIS???). Alas, a 30 burger from Zac Stacy, the black love child of Zack Morris and Stacy Kerosi, is all he needed to topple a Peyton less parrot. Alas, I’m sure that you will be looking at your lineup going into the playoffs and your expression won’t be joy, but rather:

Dave Yeezus - Beat it Mafiol! (shoves Rubz aside) We have a new biggest loser as Davey gets the final celebramos for setting the new low mark for the season. 55 points! Why isn’t he in the 3 down you ask? Because today, I am saluting my shorts like Budnick. Rene straight up tripled this turkey, and fellas, when the PT Cruiser is the only guy to just sniff double digits on your squad, that’s about the time you need to pull your finest Les Grossman and let your lady have it when she tries to console you with a homemade cobbler. Oh hey hunny....smells delicious...how is my Sunday going my angel. Curious you ask BECAUSE.........

2 DOWN

Blooching – One man….One team…Two honkies. His love for all things fair skin finally reached a boil with the starting white receiver duo of Cole Beasley and Brian Hartline. Russell Wilson, also a fine purveyor of all things white women, attempted to save the day, but it was only natural for Dinero to meet his demise at the hands of one Andre Johnson. Poor kid is going to be so disappointed when he sees Dinero's WR2 signing his football isn't Clay Aiken:

KC Chiefs – While you all put me on a pedestal, con razon, for my historical dominance and year over year excellence over the course of a better part of a decade, I have to take my tussin today. When you can’t beat a jabroni who puts up a goose egg and a negative two, you deserve to be covered in black face and locked in a room with a drunken Richie Incognito. A Ben Tate start over DHB puts me in the win column, then again, I suppose getting the trident dildo attack by Shanahan for the second time in 3 weeks also works. DAMNT!

CMON MON!

Nate WashingMON- GOOSE EGG! TENNESSEE HONEY! CMON MON!

Oakland- NEGATIVO DOS! CALIFORNIA LOVEEEEE! CMON MON!

AriMON Foster- My calf…My back…should have started Lamar Miller! GOOSE EGG! CMON MON!

Willis MONGahee- Does he still even get carries? Our pets heads are falling off! 1 point! CMON MON!

Jordan CamMON- Welcome back to EARFFFF. .5 points! CMON MON!

WHO IS DREW DAVIS DAMNT! IS EL CONEJO ADVISING THIS TEAM? - .5 points! CMON MON!

No Monday night Chief picks, though I promised you I would have jinxed the hell out of all you. Anyone feel free to bring something more than a smelly queef to the boards this week would be much appreciated.

-KC CHIEFS