MMFB Week 8

Vol. 6 No. 8

(Pictured, Kamala Chief putting the Ugandan death pinch on Mafiol)

Damn’t! 4 pm on a Monday afternoon and the Chief is scrambling to hold up his end of the nonexistent bargain between the voracious league moochers and his ongoing efforts of proving he will always deliver the necessary ether to keep this league doing the icky sticky shuffle. Alas, it wouldn’t be a Monday without the Fullback plowing through, and this week’s edition is a DANDEE. Yes sir, today’s roasting features a special Monday Morning Mafiol Fullback. As mana rained down from the heavens, so did my thorough trouncing of yee olde league Sgt. Mafiol. Did you know that excluding a playoff “victory” that was unanimously dubbed a fluke in 2010, my regular season win streak over el sargento is now 5 in a row and dates back to 2009? 2000 fuckin 9. Andres and Daveys raisins hadn’t dropped, Al was ripping green shits in the OB, Smitty was frozen in the city and I was hunkered down in the Mayor’s office stealing time the last time one of a Moreno meteors struck Machucando.

Unfortunately the roasting ends there gents. You know how it goes after all these years. I gun that jabroni down like Gale Boettecher in his doorway when I lose, but when I win, I have no choice but celebrate the feeble attempt at coming at the King….and you know what they say about coming at the King…

 Onto the goods!

3 UP

Oye People- MEGATRONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN DONNNNNNNNNNNG. Between the annual resurrection of Jav and Kebron, in first place, spending all week calling this a must win game, today’s first pat on the buttocks goes to none other than Big Jav. No running backs? No problem! A double beef 40 burger from Calvin Coolidge mixed with Jimmy Graham and Darren McFades was all the 90’s mix master needed to trump first with the worst.

Don Pan- Hey now, guess I’m not the only one making a break for the basement doors after spending 2 months ripping farts and eating chicken bones down there. Backed by Breezy, Rene is rising like the pastelito yeast in the morning as his AP cuff last night was enough to withstand Jordy. Once he cuts Colston, watch out for this GM who is right back in the thick of things.  See what I did there (same react when looking at Rubz lineup)…

King Chiefs Chiefs – Ah, what the hell. This isn’t some two bit rambling DID NOT READ Andres column, so might as well remove two ribs once again and go hammie on my bite sized sammie. Winner of 3 straight, el generalissimo is back where he belongs: middling in the Machucando middle ranks while knowing full well he is crème de la crème homie. Kissing my biceps like Big Papa Pump c/o Kap, the lone standing jewel from this year’s Kap-gate trade, combined with Dezly, the cool Moreno and Alfie makes for a pretty good corp….that aint worth shit. Talk to me when Gronk Gronks out….and not a second before that. 

3 DOWN

Bank- My sweet, sweet Willy B. Smitty’s wicked touch struck again taking down Brandon Gibson for the season and Michael Vick for the 5^th time around. Sure Willis McGahee is putting up probowl numbers (in Dinero’s head), but I see a blessing in disguise coming for Guillermo. No more week 1 Chip Kelly ham yanking…. Felating le Foles, Vacilando con Vick…NO MAS. Hitch that wagon to Luck, and make like Ron Popeil…set it, and forget it!

Graduated Bama, NIO- Can’t lie, I winced yesterday seeing Tom Brady’s hand the size of Andy Portuondo’s after a cortisone shot reduced the swelling. Yup, still looks like Mickey Mouse’s hand. Andres’ sorry squad stinks like Toby’s ass hairs after a few days of Andres baby sitting and leaves us in an incredible conundrum…when Andres and Rubz finish in dead last this season, will he be able to spring for the jalapeno poppers or turkey meat balls appetizer? Or will big bro Rubz finance him after year’s and year’s of of doing playing golf club dingo. I’d say Andres should make a trade, but much like every year, his time mingling with Hebrews in Gulliver makes him a stingy customer. 

El Lechon- Look at this pancetta boy. EDC is 10 days away, but everyone knows the countdown is really to 3 days way for EDUYHBTC….Electric Dick Upside Your Head By the Chief. At 5-3 and right back in the Machee muck, KeBron the gods didn’t smile upon him on Sundee. Stafford Staffed and Welkered Gritted, but el pipizon by Jav was too much. May god have mercy on you next week with maybe the worst bye situation I have ever seen in Fantasy. Might as well start these two…

 CMON MON (AND YOU KNOW ITS A PARTY TODAY)

Ruben Randle- A Ruben esque performance. Goose egg! CMON MON!

Greg Jennings- BAHAHAHAHAHAH who starts this guy man! .5 points! CMON MON!

Vick- Howl at the moon! NEGATIVO POINTS! CMON MON!

Giovanni- Rumor has it this guy wears granny panties. 1.5 points! CMON MON!

Ebony- and Ivoryyyyy. What a jam. For 1 point! CMON MON!

Joseph Fauria- The waiver claim, scoop and score! FOR ME TO POOP ON! GOOSE EGG! CMON MON!

Who I like on Monday night, and I mean sit back and relax, it’s HEAT season.

Ah, perhaps my favorite Monday Morning Mafiol segment. The Monday Morning Mafiol Chief picks. Al hits a field goal and he’s a win. Blue Cheese runs rampant behind Russell Wilson to An Al Golden approved Big Cheese W.

Till next week!

-KC CHIEFS