Jerome Chief in da houseeeee…Jerome Chief in da house…
Sorry. Have to settle down and act like I’ve been there
before…but truth is I’ve never been here before. Fighting for my playoff like
some ape gripping a fat jungle nanner. Fresh off a back breaking 3 week shnide
and a major Monday night dubya, the chiefs are back. Seems like the benching
and berating of my squad this week, excepting for Alfred…my dear dear Alfred,
paid off just in time to set the table for an epic week 14 in Machucando. All
it took was the cool Moreno getting enough touches to chase Ricky Williams to
the greenhouse in Australia, Gronk gronking out and Kaepernicko not playing
like a conservative kaeperdicko to get the blood flowing again.
Not much to look back on the week that was, so rather than
recap the 5 foot pile of nervous machine gun turds Rubz is currently sitting
atop of planting his Mafiol flag like the Iwo Shima soldier statue, we will
look forward to what has officially been dubbed FOW Thanksgiving Week in
Machucando. The four fake ass ninjas who have clinched, led by the fortunate
Fernandez bros who lead the league as 2 of the top 3 with least points scored
against, sit back and count your Sansgeevee blessings.
But with 7 teams in the mix for 4 spots, there are a lot of
husky nerds getting ready for the big game in Week 14. The question is are they
the real, or are they the gay? Are they Chris Browns mother and the Tony Romo
raisin dick dead dog shit balls, or are they the Rob Ford respect the legend?
Are they Spike from the Little Giants or this booger bubble nerd that reminds
me of Tony dealing with some seasoned Machucando sharks on draft night?
Onto the goods, ranked from driver seat to the back of the
bang bus as they sit today:
Don Pan- A solid team no doubt, but as the No. 1 overall
draft pick, anything short of a playoff berth would be a bigger disaster than el
gran cantante de Belen / inmate No. 5568234 / supposed fugitive sipping mai tai’s
in the abacos Kiki Alard in a private room at Tootsies. The baker controls his
destiny and could make things uber interesting IF he loses versus that tits and
tater head Andres. A gaping hole at tight end, his defense playing Denver, Drew
Brees playing in Seattle and D-Jax matched up with Patrick Johnson opens the
door just a tad for Andres…but will it be enough? Will he approach this matchup
with the fury of a trade deadline extended in his fache or tune out like a pack
of derkas swarming his D in Vegas? Stay tuned.
Blooching- A team exposed like Al Golden’s led Hurricanes?
Or a python lying in the weeds waiting to strike like Greg Oden’s dick on a
Sunday morning jog? Dinero’s team is missing everything but the empty stadium on
senior day and the sputtering fire extinguisher as he’s cobbled together a team
worthy of misfits. Demariyus Thomas and Shady are fuckin hosses and with two 30
burgers in the bag from these guys, all it takes is a baby feet teeder or a
fitz blow up to validate this squad as a contender. In the thick of the points
mix much like Rene, he controls his destiny with a winnable game on deck versus
Dfern. And don’t you dare make fun of Will Muschamp, you might upset Rubz.
O.W.G.W. – but only frauds get exposed. Tones is holding on
for dear life to a playoff spot he miraculously occupies right now. Count the
flaming shit bags that have propped this turd up to a .500 record this season:
T-Rich, Greg Jennings, Zac Stacy, Upper Decker. The list goes on and on. (spits
all over self and rambles about FSU) NOT SO FAST COMMISH. Tones wisely acted on
the Chief’s heads up Nate Burleson transaction and with tiny Dancer Darren looking
like a go, he is rolling the dice like Clark Griswold in the mirage on his
yearlong stash Percival Harvin. Will it pay off? Or more importantly, with a
matchup with top dog Kebron, will it matter? Tones…prepare thy anus.
Chief – Nuff said. Despite Ben Tate and Victor Cruz fucking
my own face, history is in my hands. Being at the top of the charts of the
points amidst the wreckage is naice, and you best believe I like it naice. Win
versus Chef BoyarSmitty, or join him on the Avee couch with craus and a gritty
the size of a footlong pepino.
Oye People- A-yo Jav. Not only must I commend you for
standing up on stage as Machucando hurled rotten fruit at you for your trade,
but your team has also come together in the face of league wide king size snickers at Yoshi's BBQ. Sure,
you gave up the nation aka Tolbear, but was it worth it, I’ll let you work it.
The Johnson’s make this team a threat on any given Sunday and now with ya boy
Mojo and Foles, you could compete on the reg. Boldin is liable to disappear,
but hope springs eternal for the team whos had the most points rack citied on
his dome with a matchup with Davey on the docket.
Graduated Bama- this team name was cute when you were fresh
off graduation…a road trip to Carneytown and a flaunting of all your weekends
filled with clubs and Miami man meat has soured the league’s taste for your carefree antics and team. Seriously, you roll with enough dicks around this town to make my 14th
birthday at Ultra Zone look like a flash fried pussy fest. Andres needs help to get in, but his squad is
set as Charles, Decharko and AJ Green could go off this week. But Rene ain’t
running a fuckin charity and Obama ain’t come with that first job offer either.
Win and your in. Lose and your back to harping all offseason about the time you
finished in second place and the time CJ Mosley slid your ass down a Tuscaloosa bar like
an ejac towel.
Sgt. Mafiol – Mother of god, where do I begin? Does this two
pie papa john serving tit deserve a taste of the playoffs. I unanimously submit
a no on behalf of Machucando. BUT, papa don’t preach and daughter don’t sing.
Rubz has wriggled his way into the mix and still has a pulse heading into FOW
Week. Powered by Scam and that’s it, he needs help to make it into the final
slot. People must lose, points must be scored, Lamar Miller must run for more
than three inches of fury versus a tough Jets D and that white TE / flex combo
screams of goose eggs. Standing in his way? Peyton manning in a division game
coming off a loss, the Woodpecker and an ice cold Al squad about to walk down
the aisle that has scored over 115 points in 3 of the past 5 weeks.
Feel free to give your take in the thread on your team, its season and week 14….this is it boys….stick
your head in that turkey like Kramer, ignore your annoying ass cousins and say
a little prayer to the gods.
Are you F’ing? Or are you W’ing?
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