MMFB FAREWELL + HALL OF FAME

(Play at full blast)

DFern singing:

Chief, closes…his eyes…only for a quarter…and his Dez is done…

His Machu…bowl…dreams… pass before his eyes, like Rob Gronkowski…

Alf in the wind….all we are is Alf in the wind..

(pictured at funeral in wreath)

Chief Vaughn: Looks like we better put the Monday Morning Fullback on hold for a while

Luke Smitty: Good idea…

Chief Vaughn: Look, please don’t beat yourself up over this thing, it’s not your fault. Damn’t Victor Cruz was old, that’s what old people do, they don’t salsa and they die…

(Rene in a wig disgusted)

Chief Vaughn: Sorry…

Dfern singing:

All we are is Alf in the windddddddddddddddddd, ooooooooooooooooooooooo OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, your Chief’s boy Alf….your chief’s boy!

Chief: (takes a deep, painful whif)

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TRANSITION

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Thank you Phil for providing today’s set. I tried to book the ProblemKids, but they were booked for Rubz apartment from December 2013-2016. What a glorious treat this is for those in contention and the pathetic, belly to the sewer like leeches still lurking these hallways. A farewell 8 years in the making, I come to you pincho factory Sancho panzas recovered from last week’s historical debacle.

While it was certainly disappointing watching my season go down in flames behind Alshon Jeffrey and Iron Chef Smitty, the truth is, it was childs play. I give it 2 out of 5 urgent care visits on the Chief pain scale. Reason? I can’t say I’ll ever truly recover from the perfect season gone south….the season that if you ever visit the cheeser Yahoo Toyota Hall of Fame, still holds a lions share of records like Marino in his prime before the NFL became a cocksucker league and let dumb asses get into the Machu playoffs. When one of you bastards run the table in the regular season and comes up 5 points short of dynasty….THEN….and only THEN…will you know the pain. And that is why watching this underachieving group of chardo-nnays fall short this year only made a dent in the grand scheme of the Kansas City Chief’s Chiefs LLC franchise.

We will be back….We will regroup this offseason….We will not draft a black QB....We will get all up in that ass next August.

On that note, a few outgoing thanks to those who deserve it in my opinion:

THANKS: To the Draft Heads….those who came out to the 3^rd Annual Joo Lottery and all those who partook in the draft, as well as corresponding after party. It was a successful night for the 5 to 6 of us, and just another sad sack Miami night to the rest of you who scurried away in your Jordan shorts.

THANKS: To the posters…those who chipped in all season long: ME, Raul, Dinero for his few and far between Honky Herald (3 beats 0 the year before and I will take it), Rubz and Dfern for their instant head in palms memes, and Andres for his indentured slavery pleas. The rest of you, and I say this with a clear eyes, full hearts cant lose level of passion:

GO

FUCK

YOUR

SELF

In my 8 years running wild on you turds, this might come in as THEE worst of the worst in terms of message board participation. I brought my lunch pail this season and lucky for Machu I did because I can count on 2 hands the combined total of posts all season from Rene, Al, Davey and Tony….Jav, you can’t spend half the year nestled in a cave between a set of huge hooters and then be the pied piper for a few weeks… Kebron, NI PINGA in terms of posting if not to praise or raze the fullback….and god damnt Rubz and Dfern, your MEMES SUCK FAT FUCKING MONKEY BALLS GOD DAMNT!!!!!!!!! The only thing that sucks worse than your memes is Dfern’s Playoff Week 1 epic fart sandwich flop.

There’s no reason why everyone on here aint bringing the goods every god damn week. You are married huh, TOUGH. Tell us a story of the coiled log you didn’t flush that made your wife make you eat nothing but chef Boyardee for a week to the point you slid a brown canoe down your pants in the middle of a family party. Wow, WORK has your nuts in a vice huh? All those hours…All those increased demands. Go choke on some TPS reports you lazy ass dick licker. You are getting POUNDED in last place and injuries are taking their toll? Bueno unleash the motherfuckin fury on someone.

As Commish, I can promise you this. There will be changes next year. Beli dat, woe.

 THANKS: To the true Machucando-ans…those who continue to treat this League, year in and year out, as the most competitive, diabolical, who’s who of Fantasy Football. We are all in other leagues, and for 99.9 percent of us, those other leagues don’t exist. Thank you for making Machucando.

 

And that’s pretty much it. I will see the few undeserving winners to receive their cash payouts. And I leave it up to each of you to ask yourself not what Machucando can do for you next season, but what you, can do for Machucando. Maybe the winner invests in a trophy. Maybe someone kicks up the draft a notch. I'll be awaiting your feedback and interest in returning for 2013-2014 this offseason. Signing off once again, in King Chief fashion.

  

Slips off KC Chiefs hat. Puts on cheating commish beret.

Thank you Mr. Bean for killing it at tonight's Hall of Fame ceremony. Next on the agenda let’s take a tour down the Machucando Hall of Fame as part of my annual where they stand. Some people look at this as the tell-all of Machucando competition. Some people cringe. Some have the nerve to ask me to cook the numbers…guys, its me, the Commish. Everything I do is FAIR AND FOR THE PEOPLE. Regardless, join me in taking a walk down the illustrious halls of the Machucando Hall of Fame.

(walks down red carpet, observing different busts. "oh look, there's my picture" “wow, he has put on some weight” “)

 KEEP IT MOVING FOLKS, WE HAVE TOURS WAITING.

HALL OF CHAMPIONS
2006 – El Diablo (Al)
2007 – KC Chiefs (E)
2008 - Sucka Free (Dfern)
2009 - Cohiba Swag Flyers (Smitty)
2010 - Dansby's DANGA Zone (Smitty)
2011 - $Don Pan$ (Rene)

2012-  Parrot Heads (Al)

2013- ???

SILVER MEDALS
2006 – Tremendo Hambeques (Andres)
2007 – The Commish (Commish)
2008 - W. Bank (Smitty)
2009 - KC Chiefs (E)
2010 - **BMF** (Rubz)
2011 – Bill Brasky (Davey)

2012-  The Bank (Smitty)

2013 - ???

BRONZE MEDALS
2006 – The Commish (Commish)
2007 – Megatron Don (Lou)
2008 - Wanny McStashes (Jav)
2009 - D3 Mighty Duckets (Dinero)
2010 - $Don Pan$ (Rene)
2011 –KC Chiefs (E)

2012- Los Sanduskers RTR (Andres)

2013- ???

and the run down everyone has been waiting for

ALL TIME WINNING %
1. The Chief*** - 62.9% Playoff Appearances 7/8
2. . Big Jav**** – 58.2% Playoff Appearances 5/7

3. Andres** - 56% Playoff Appearances 7/7
4. Al – 52.8% Playoff Appearances 6/
5. Rene – 51.9% Playoff Appearances 6/8
6. Tony – 51.2% Playoff Appearances 3/3 7.

7. Smitts – 50.5% Playoff Appearances 5/7
8. Dinero – 48.9% Playoff Appearances 4/7
9. KBreeze – 46.1% Playoff Appearances 5/7

10. Rubz* - 45.6% Playoff Appearances 4/8
11. Dfern – 45.2% Playoff Appearances 5/8
12. Davey – 41.8% Playoff Appearances 4/8

Noteworthy:

Lou - .430 Playoff Appearances 2/6
* = Did not draft team one season due to unanimous league expulsion

** = Served one year suspension

*** = Perfect regular season award

**** = Includes LoJav season