MACHUCANDO HALL OF FAME

Greetings Gentlemen! 

It’s a glorious Tuesday here in Chiefs-ville and for seven other esteemed gentlemen who trudged their way through the regular season and into the playoffs. This is an especially golden week. Having an extra week to compete in Machucando is the equivalent of living an extra 10 years in normal person years.

Alas, I break from the traditional MMFB Fullback to touch em all going into the playoffs. This is a clean slate this year as all four of last years non playoff members are in the warm bask of the Machu playoffs spotlight

Now let’s see the real turds off in style.

Rubz-  It’s been like my personal Madison Square Garden when the Knicks beat the Heat last year in the playoffs and someone let the confetti rip. The usual rain cloud above my head has been displaced with a constant avalanche of confetti that will continue straight through August 2013. You will feed us. And I will savor every. last.morsel. The confetti….still falling…I’m drowning in it help!!!!! (Don’t help. Just want to sit at the bottom of the confetti pool like Frank the Tank 2:38)

Davey- A rollercoaster year that begun in the dumps and peppered you with pockets of happiness. Still, you were doomed by the injury bug and yet another shitty draft drenched in Fernandez brother whispers. Here’s a promise- I am not sitting next to either of you crap information sharing dolts next year. You don’t see KeBron and I sharing notes behind our cheat sheets do you?! Ride off into the piss stained streets of New York and don’t surface again till you are in line at Ruben’s Draft Night Golden Corral Buffet.

Rene- Ex-champ, my sweet former  ex-champ.  Not much else to say but the state the obvious. Your draft was complete horse shit like the set of tits two paragraphs above. I’ve been trying to uncork the dead frog obstructing your voice all season long, hoping you’d call out some of the league steins that have held the trade line all year and shit their pampers when the word “party” was mentioned on draft night, but all for naught.  Machucando looks forward to a rejuvenated contender next year, both on the boards and on the field, for what was an utter throw away of a season.

Blooching- Another bust on the field and on the boards settles in once again at the just shy table. Again, no sympathy for those who refuse to participate because they are too enveloped in other things. Priorities gentlemen. You make this league one, it always returns the favor. You post two word posts a whopping three times all season and set your roster at 12:40 pm on a Sunday regularly, and you get become a second class Machu citizen. Enjoy the offseason and the Canes Bowl game…….

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Playoff Preview

Now that the elephant manure has been shoveled from the roadways its time to get down to brass tax. A few words on the first round showdowns.

Tones vs. What Up Tones- The Del Carmen hot streak continues. Through the plains of Alabama, straight through Miami Gardens, all the way up to Machu. We can only hope the one seed extinguishes the tight end tumbler and shows Tones exit stage left.

Baby Bro vs. Baby Ho- Now here’s a matchup I can sink my chompers into. KeBron’s team is charged up. With Shady on injured reserved, the addition of Bryce Breezy could be the one we look at that brought the belt back to the Hollanade. Dfern will keep his status quo of hoping Rodgers does the heavy lifting for the rest of his mojons to push him past the next round.

Porn Pros vs. Brother Brazzers- Jesus it smells like baby shit! Two crumbling teams meet in a divine matchup. If you are in the playoffs as a two seed and you are starting Stephens-Howling, well, at least you gave a sweet draft speech and chased Lou into oblivion, I mean Weston…I meant oblivion. Al will be looking to make playoff waves the first time in an eternity, led by his kickers, cmon kai!

All Time vs. Two Ringz- Here you have it lesser Machucando-ans, the first round clash of the titans you’ve all been waiting for. Grab your popcorn…literally Davey, it’s Sunday and you don’t have shit to play for…grab.that.tub. and settle in. For weeks, Smitty has been saying that if he gets in he’s winning this thing to anyone who will listen. Only catch is, for years I’ve been saying this is my league to lose? Something must give, and after splitting the regular season head to head record, your first hand peek at your next champ begins Thursday night with Peyton in one corner and an all-star Moreno in the other. OBVIOUSLY NOT RUBZ.

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Hit it Platano chewie!

Next on the agenda let’s take a tour down the Machucando Hall of Fame as part of my annual where they stand. Some people look at this as the tell-all of Machucando competition. Some people cringe. Some have the nerve to ask me to cook the numbers…guys, its me, the Commish. Everything I do is FAIR. Regardless, join me in taking a walk down the illustrious halls of the Machucando Hall of Fame.

(walks down red carpet, observing different busts. "oh look, there's my picture")

KEEP IT MOVING FOLKS, WE HAVE TOURS WAITING. There's a doctor, a lawyer and other riff raff looking in and they want a 2013 taste.

HALL OF CHAMPIONS
2006 – El Diablo (Al)
2007 – KC Chiefs (E)
2008 - Sucka Free (Dfern)
2009 - Cohiba Swag Flyers (Smitty)
2010 - Dansby's DANGA Zone (Smitty)
2011 - $Don Pan$ (Rene)

2012- ???

SILVER MEDALS
2006 – Tremendo Hambeques (Andres)
2007 – The Commish (Commish)
2008 - W. Bank (Smitty)
2009 - KC Chiefs (E)
2010 - **BMF** (Rubz)
2011 – Bill Brasky (Davey)

2012-  ??

BRONZE MEDALS
2006 – The Commish (Commish)
2007 – Megatron Don (Lou)
2008 - Wanny McStashes (Jav)
2009 - D3 Mighty Duckets (Dinero)
2010 - $Don Pan$ (Rene)
2011 –KC Chiefs (E)

2012- ???

and the run down everyone has been waiting for...

ALL TIME WINNING %
1. E - .664 Playoff Appearances 7/7
2. Andres** - .576 Playoff Appearances 6/6
3. Big Jav - .563 Playoff Appearances 5/6
4. Rene - .527 Playoff Appearances 5/7
5. Smitts - .525 Playoff Appearances 5/6
6. Al - .505 Playoff Appearances 5/7
7. Tony - .500 Playoff Appearances 2/2
8. Dinero - .481 Playoff Appearances 3/6
9. Rubz* - .467 Playoff Appearances 4/7
10. KBreeze - .462 Playoff Appearances 4/6
11. Dfern - .439 Playoff Appearances 4/7
12. Davey - .401 Playoff Appearances 3/7

Noteworthy:

Lou - .430 Playoff Appearances 2/6
* = Did not draft team one season due to league expulsion

** = Served one year suspension

Till next week!