MMFB Week 12

Vol. 5 No. 12

Greetings Machucando! With an extra fond hello to Andresh and a plain ole go suck a nut to the other 10 members who’s wrists are handcuffed to their respective chairs. I write to you in a particularly chipper mood this Monday afternoon, which always equates to a subpar MMFB. But don’t worry, I will find the menial things inching on my nerves and properly filet you for not embodying everything this great league and its sterling commissioner are, can and will be.

So let’s start by tackling the biggest Machucando news on the plate today. A big CONGRATS to big Al on becoming the second league member on taking the icy cold plunge into marriage. The jungle ain’t the same without one less Jaguar in it, but let’s focus on the positives shall we. I beat the ever living tar out of your team this week. Oh wait, positives for you. Bachelor party in paradise? JESUS, sorry, this is about you and the joy this league wants to bring you on your engagement. SAMMICHES ON DEMAND FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE and all the other perks coming your way.  Let us know when the date is set, though I’ve found a picture of what’s in store for you as one day walk that green mile. Go ahead...suckle at the scythe like a Gerbil going for his nutrients.

HEY, HEY, HEY WAIT JUST ONE SECOND HERE. © Belding chief. What are those two gabagools on your left smiling about, they are on the clock...yes, even Damian BRO.

What else do we have to discuss on this me tiene mareado Monday? I skipped the sprinkler fest yet again, with all efforts going into this upcoming Sunday’s King Chief birthday tailgate and First Annual Tootsies Trot aka I will be posted up at Knocker’s Sports Lounge in Planet Tootsies by 2 pm. ALL are cordially invited. And conio that’s enough intro meat for you baboons. 

ONTO THE GOODS!

3 UP

KC Chiefs- For a team built for September, I see a whole lotta momentum building up for December. Dalton has solidified himself as a QB-1 with Big Ben’s McRibs all but ready. My lackadaisical WR play is rejuvenated by Cecil SIN CHORES and what’s this Greg Jennings’ that DEAD MATTRESS RIDING CHODE also back this week? The rich got richer at RB because while you were waiting for your brunch to be delivered to your boo, I was promptly doing the same but totally ignoring MY boo in picking up an RB-2 ready Knowshon. And just for moar shits and giggles, No. 1 on the waiver wire, No. 1 in the medal count, No. 1 in league pick em and most importantly, No. 12 in your hearts. It's good to be the King.

Los Sanduskers- How am I not going to give this potato head some love! The second suck down goes to Andres for delivering a whopper of a fairytale from his Fall escapades. I asked, you delivered, we didn’t buy it. We run a canesinsight.com mob mentality here kiddo. PICS OR IT NEVER HAPPENED. Bonus points for his Crimson Tide continuing their magical dynasty quest that you have luckily been a part of, for god sakes part of me still supports Ron Zook after getting 3 years of that! Thirdly, another demolishing of a Machucando opponent. Keep sippin that moonshine buddy and see you for the holidays...and btw tell ya boy Wolfie to come by the Hollanade, a man could always use a resupply.

Don Pan- Flipped a coin for this spot with Don Pan edging out the Lord of Lasca. He may be shedding the belt and stepping down from his throne in prompt time, but not before mixing things up in the wee regular season of the league. His manhandling of Myersanity is to be taken as a sign of the future and also as a scrambling attempt to not feed one unworthy pendecker in this league. Like everyone else who ignores the chief’s plea’s, I ask before you exit for good, you fire one last goodbye and proper roasting to those who have chapped your ass this season. Run to your fox holes league turds!

3 DOWN

Papa Fritz- A surprise smackdown gets this week’s first DX sugg it for fondling Machucando’s balls for MONTHS with his bloated wide receiver corps, only to finally flip Vincent Jackson on a deadline deal for TWO DEAD PEOPLE. Miles has a weaker hip then Smitty after a round of salsa dancing and giving the NO GO, while Andre Brown went doo doo within days of landing in the bed of French fries. Double negative for failing to topple a beyond beatable Bank. Jav, wake up and get your act together before the playoffs get here!

Blooching- There is no other way to put this year’s Machucando experience for Dinero. An utter disaster from the outset that has continued to circle around the toilet with a Ronnie Hillman waiver strike out. The man of many stacks has only hit the hundo mark once since week 7, but let’s be honest. I see fools bottom out in this league every year (I mean EVERY YEAR) in their feeble attempts to reach the Machu Bowl so I could care less about the floundering product….but the complete abandonment of the boards all season long, when you’ve shown your ability to write with the big dogs, is the turd in the punch bowl. Yet as KeBron reported back to the chief, the sad sight of you and 12 goons going all in for Miami vs. Duke at Sports Grill in Kendall says it all.The mere visual makes me laugh and shake my head. DUKE! DONE BEFORE DECEMBER! DUKE!!!!!!

Lo Viste- Speaking of being absolutely DONE with their investments in football before December ala Canes, the final slap to the teeth goes to none other than Rubz. Somewhere along the line, Ruben decided to make this season his “Golden Era” and is off to the great blue yonder. With one week left in the race to feed the beasts, he is squarely in the driver seat. I give him an abundance of credit for keeping his chin up, in the game and on the boards this year. I was going to post a photoshopped gon fishin picture of Rubz with a pescado, but looks like he’s already hooked a mackerel c/o Machucando.

THE HEISENBERGS

T. BRADY

DEZLY BRYANT

BOB GRIFFIN

ARIAN FOSTA

JULIOOOOO

SHANE VAGEEN

LO COMISTE, GOOSE EGG EDITION, brought to you by the basement bandit and the Addams family picture page.

Miles- My hip! Jav’s hip! DEVILED GOOSE EGG #LoComiste

Stephens Howling- Oy vey! RB-2! GOOSE EGG #LoComiste

James Jones- Who! No really, who? GOOSE EGG #LoComiste

Vernon Davis- Two GOOSE EGGS in 5 weeks. Ahora si! #LoComiste

Hey Bay Bay- OTRO GOOSE EGG, the basket is getting full #LoComiste

Ronnie Hillman- Still better than Ronnie Brown. GOOSE EGG #LoComiste

Who I like on Monday night, and I mean Bryce Brown is Mr. Steal Yo Girl

Ah, perhaps my favorite MMFB segment. The Monday night chief picks. And for the first time all season, there is NI PI to settle. Instead, let me give you my Monday night itinerary. 

TILL NEXT WEEK’S AWARD CEREMONY.

-THE CHIEF