MMFB Week 1

Vol. 5 No.1

WE ARE OFFICIALLY BACK. Ladies and poor excuses for gentlemen, welcome back to the humble confines of the Monday Morning Fullback. Now celebrating our fifth year anniversary, I was sneak attached this morning like Chavs from the shadows when I dusted off Cecil's cobwebs and saw that this mangy site has logged over 2,500 views in the 5 years its been in existence...which made me think....While this Machucando bully pulpit continues to rise after last seasons historical run, the collective posting ability of you 11 continues to plummet. I'm seriously sick of you guys, your tip toeing or should I say PUSSY FOOTING, around the boards. I don't want to hear it. We know some of you are garbage posters...Tones, Al, Dfern, etc...but I expect more from those of you this season who can actually bring a smirk OR irk to the chief's usually disgruntled face. Till then, this is me...and that's all of you in the box.

With my anger slowly bubbling over like a Zapp Brannigan crock pot, you'll see a few new features that I will be self implementing since you guys really chap my ass. Call out Wednesday is in effect, brought to you by CanesInSight.com aka the reason Dinero doesn't get invited back next season. I will also be instituting a GIF GESTAPO. You are all honorary members. This will be mostly to shit on those (Lou, Rubz, etc.) who utilize gifs and pics in a piss poor fashion. This is the big leagues boys and with the amount of spare time the Employed-When-I-Wanna-Be sector has on its hands, you should always be on your A game. On that note, ONTO THE GOODS!

1 UP
 Kebron- That's right. Only 1 up because only 1 is sewn up. Man, feels like years since I've led with a week one baby bro one up. Probably because it's literally been years since the house lord stitched together a decent team. That said, no brainer. Massive amount of points and putting a nice opening L on Lo Viste's tab will always garner some love. Matty Ice didn't play like piss for once and yah boay Ridley finally showed out as your preseason flag plant that didn't go in the crapper like Knowshown the past 8 years. Ahora si!

1 DOWN
Rubz- The salty flip side. The former Gator Club of Miami member gets his comeuppance with a team in more trouble than Andres at a spelling bee. League whispers tell the MMFB that Rubz has spent the past week passing out his signature cinnamon scented olive branches, or as one owner crudely put it, "the man is a lean mean BEEJ machine." Aside from Vick's pick fest, an average week goes down faster the pipes faster than Chris Johnson hitting the hole. Hope to get you in the 3 up next week brotha, in which case.......

Introducing our new segment this year for the players who show out, I present to you, the Heisenberg's.

Matt Ryan- 37 points. Fluke? Fluke.
B. Marsh- 21.5 points. Somewhere, Legedu Nannee cries.
Juliooooo- 25 points. Always in a high pitch voice. ALWAYS.
Ridley- 21 points. Riddle me this! Sorry, that was gay and something Dfern would write.
Kevin Smiff- 22 points. Only have to wait one more game for the high ankle sprain!

I understand everyone loved Cmon Mon and last year's steel drum expert, Al. But with a new year comes new digs, and this year's segment will follow its namesake(s) in summing up those who disappoint. LO COMISTE. After reading every line, I encourage to throw up a Lo Comiste.

Peyton Hillis- Did I say I was bullish? I mean that's some BULL ISH. 2.5 points. #LoComiste
Reshad Jennings- Hold out! No hold out? Joda? NO JODA! 3.5 points. #LoComiste
Greg Little- GOOSE EGGIE. About as good as a KFC Chicken Little. 0. #LoComiste
Ben Tate- Keep hoarding my handcuff you jerk. 3.5 points. #LoComiste
Fred Jackson- Se lo comio, but in your case 1 point. #LoComiste
Wes Welker- Talk about getting the rug sweeped out from under ya. Not even a full set of snaps for this second rounder. 2.5 points. #LoComiste
Andres your entire team- #LoComiste
D'Angelo- "How does it feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel" .5 points with a full set of snaps from your RB2. #LoComiste

Who I like on Monday Night, and I mean move it turds:

Ah, perhaps my favorite MMFB segment, the Monday night chief picks. Last year, I had an astounding Machucando Monday night pick em record of 20-4-1. Par for the course. Leading with the Bank who has an 18 point record plus his TE-3 ready to go, Smitts will have to survive Rivers aerial assault. I expect San Diego to air it out like Lou's balls flapping in the Key West breeze, but I'm giving the nod to Smitts bc it's DON'T SLEEP ON HIM vs House Lannister, who's 2 GM's make a living sleeping. Rene is clinging to an 8.5 point lead like Andres grabbing the last fatty jiggling out the Frat House he just got tossed from. Gronksanity wins not on his rb-2, but his kicker. 19.5 lead for Cash out over Team No Sleep in a battle to see who's team name is more outdated and sucks bigger tits by October. Dfern for the W. Blooching is holding the line Toto style with a 21 point lead, but Andresh has his WR-2 and RB-1 lined up. Ricearoni for the win. Finally, the main event. A wounded week 1 chief is all but cooked clinging to a 6 point buffer vs a familiar foe in Jovocop Al. Run DMC meets Baby Feet and only one can win. Until the gods strike me down, have to go with Fantasy's favorite son.

CHIEFS.WIN.

Till next week.

-THE CHIEF