MMFB Week 12

I'd say that surmises my view of League Machucando right now, as well as my life in general as I sit here on this Monday fuming yet running on fumes. I'll spare you all my Nashville tales, though I know for those out there wondering (Al), I can fully confirm that the heater still lives. So I'll tackle this Monday's intro with a Alex Trebek style potpourri of topics swirling around my mind like a chocolate turtle turd. (slips on Miami Bro hat)

1.) Dolphins- Marlon Moore? Ricardo Wallace? I feel like I'm watching the stars of a Pulp Fiction Porn Snuff Film. This season has turned into one giant Ryan Mallet draft watch. I'm done with Henne. I'm done with Sparano. I'm done with Henning. We have no running back's. Bring on fresh blood across the board. Things to look forward to...Dec. 19 at home against Buffalo we are probably leaving and going to Tootsies. Dec. 26 at home against Detroit will have Dirty in Santa Costume, Tootsies also likely.

2.) Heat- So the Queen and Co. are already turning on Spo, the next target of the vicious Miami bro army that wants coaches heads on a platter. Fuck it. Can him too.
We are 2 weeks away from Lebron going Dre v. Finnegan on Wade anyways.

3.) Randy- The bro army lynches another one. My dear sweet dark chocolate Randy. You've given me so many good times throughout the past four years, I can't stress how much you will be missed. I will miss the photoshops...this mismanagement...the mental diarreah Dinero swore by year after year. Most of all, I will miss the losing in front of crowds that the Marlins think are tiny. It's only been 48 hours since you received your promotion from head coach at Miami to the unemployment line, and there is already some hurt in my heart. I haven't been this devastated since the bros at Canestime came calling for D$'s head on a spike and the man had to come clean with a thread titled "I f*cked up."
A quick candidate check
-Gruden- Naaaaaaaaaaaaaa
-Richt- I wish that lesbo would sign on the dotted on line
-Mullen- Arf?
-Malzahan- Gulp!
-Cristobal- Si!
Play me off for Randy one last time emo Rubz...



And finally... 4.) Machucando

I'll leave the bigger news/decisions/announcements for my year end wrap up column, but I'd be lying if I didn't say this year the league has taken a step back in regards to lack of participation from the usual suspects. Changes are a coming, but I would love to hear at least some season goodbyes this week from Jav (silent for 16 days and counting), Davey/Al (goodbyes, hate, call outs, menu suggestions for next years draft would be appreciated since it will be on one of you), Chavs (silent for 11 days since promising an on deck "doctors orders" aka the Randy Shannon of Machucando columns), and of course D$ (silent for 15 days and counting, this year's winner of worst participation throughout the season). On that note,

Onto the Goods!

3 up

FTW- The man who puts the turd in turducken has managed to mimic me around any/all women these days via his team rattling off his SIXTH straight victory. Sure it was against those stinky scrimps, but a W at this time of year is essential. Now go back to your oversized turd den with a team no one wants to play against in the playoffs!

Regulators- Surely your season has played out like a Saturday at Sunlife Stadium, but you will find nothing but love from the Chief this Monday morning after perhaps delivering the final curb stomp to the poor pup who didn't belong in the first place. While we're here, I'm thinking of a lavish spread next summer for the draft...some artisan cheeses, perhaps a carving station, ample amounts of port wine, fresh seasonal berries, etc...it will be like a regular Friday night at your apartment in New York.

Good lord, leading the 3 up with the FernBro dingleberry deluxe package. I feel like Ron this morning...



PoonHounds- Homebody Harry gets final Chief-love for giving Rubz the Hans moleman kick in the groin he deserves. A candidate for Bounce Back GM of the Year, Lou's caca squad has all but clinched a spot in the hallowed Machu playoffs with a tight victory over the guy who is dressed as a Salvation Army Santa in Times Square this morning (where do i apply?).

THE DAVEY THREE'S COMPANY TOO TITLE



Yea Smitty...Keep encouraging him! This section is for those that much like Davey's team for the first time in 19 seasons, balled out...

The Real Peyton Hillis- This guy is an enfermo, if such thing as a Honkie Herald existed, which it doesn't anymore, this guy would be in the headlines.
Double Dwayne Bowe- This guy sucks, but again, Smitty's own ENFERMO.
T. Brady- Not related to Black Brady. In the least.
A.Rodg.
Jacoby Ford Tough

CMON MON! (hit it al! p.s. this guy is a total rubz (c) lou)



CJ! NO WAY! 2K! 1 POINT! CMON MON!
DEZLY! TURKEY IN MY FUCKING FACE! GOOSE EGG! CMON MON!
JAHVID! HE THE BEST! GOOSE EGG! CMON MON!
MY BIRONAS! GOOSE EGG! CMON MON!
VINNY CHASE! MEDELLIN PART TWO! GOOSE EGG! CMON MON!
REGGIE BUSH! FUMBLE!!!!!!!!!!! NEGATIVO! CMON MON!

Who I like on Monday night, and I mean HOLY LORD THIS GAME BLOWS DONKEY SHIT:

Ah, perhaps my favorite MMFB segment, the Monday Night Chief picks. I will not watch one second of this game. I need a one day detox after the ostrich egg my team laid..I will be in full on -

That said, one game to wrap up with a lot of significance. Don Pan is going to need a 30 burger from Don Francisco to catapult over Boot Scoot Boogie Kebron, who's new pick up line to honkies is EVERY KISS BEGINS WITH K. Baby Bro has had the WORST luck on Monday night all year, why stop now? Frankie blows up harder than cool Frankie at BT's or cooler Frankie pimp slapping Rubz.

Till the Wedding Bells ring fellas!

-THE CHIEF
"Know your role. Chief that Bowl. Do your job."