...The above press release, which was blasted out this morning to over 500 members of the media as well as 27,000 equally sluggish Miami-Dade County employees, sums up this weekend and my life pretty well. But why not add a youtube for flavor?
With life mimmicking my fantasy football team, there isn't much to say, yet there is everything to say. I am but one caballero, who has given so much to the hoes that have given me so little, until I was forced to unleash my alter ego...El Tipo Mas Interesante en el Mundo. VICTOR MANUEL. Think of him as Batman to my Bruce Wayne. All of you are Alfred, and in this twistedly hot comic book of my life, Rubz is the Penguin. Victor is a man enriched in the goomah lifestyle...a man obsessed with the Romanticism period, yet steadfastly Baroque? He has been known to indulge himself in the most forbidden of chocolates and sweets, but is lactose intolerant? He once nursed a baby sheep to the point it no longer crowed "baaaaaaaaaah," it called him by name in perfect rustico Italian? He is the essence of the heater.
Pictured: Eric Esteban/Victor Manuel
To close my weekend wrap, which again was filled enough Rasta MON to fill the entire CMON MON section between Jahfe at Tobacco Road, Ragoo Festivoo's and enough K2 to launch a Zooted space ship, I want to pull my finest Salvatore Giunta in being awarded a Medal of Honor for jumping on a grenade for the betterment of los caballeros. It wasn't easy, but someone needed to deep fry that fat mother hen white meat bird and that someone was me. I did it for the people, and for the sake of the heater.
(click for full pics)
I've given you ENOUGH of my smokehouse cheddar. My HEATER rolls on!
Onto the Goods!
3 up
FTW- While his life may be frozen in the walrus blubber arctic that is the North Pole, his team is the opposite of that as sherriff of rottingham has now reeled FIVE straight wins with his latest conquest of the former number one seed. Greg Jennings blew up and Santonio didn't need 5 quarters this time to put up decent points. Now keep your icy hands off me unless you want to get branded like a bull at the King Chief Corral.
Gernades- In what was billed as the battle of the last place hairy turds, only one mojon came out looking like the Fonz as the ghost of Javi edged Davey with a two point victory. Yes Jav, I've been shitting on you all year. I will not stop calling you Rod Jones Drew until the (arnold) end of days, nor will I turn my head to the fact you've been running at 50 percent of all season. But this is the thanksgiving edition, so it was only right for me to break my wishbone with you, see you got the wish, then take it from your turkey greased hands and bash your head in with it.
YODEL- It only took 11 weeks, me being legit pissed at him for 2 months and the fantasy game of a lifetime for it to happen, but for the first time this season Chavs gets an up. Surely our little convo, which hopefully served as more chin check then beef squash, helped bridge the gap because the truth is, I can never TRULY forgive inaction in the face of action. That said, this malnourished pup reeled off his third straight vick-tory and is poised to make the playoffs barring the next two weeks over some established veterans. A tip of the top hat to you good sir, beat Smitty in Week 12 and then we can talk some more.
3 down
Blooching- Much like Stephen Morris, what goes up MUST COME DOWN. Way down. Little lower. Right under that earthworm. Perfect right there. Loser of 3 straight, the man has lost any semblance of winning as the church bell's doth toll. Sure Brantley blow's choad, but another, yes another year without an ACC Championship appearance brings warmth to my heart and underpants. I'd wish team blooching good luck, but you play me next week and I don't see that ending well for you Ty.
Scrimps- It pains me to put the Hot Plate here, but as another loser of 3 straight I have but no choice. If my hot streak is Victor Manuel, your cold streak is Puff Smokey Smoke.
(1:25 for the goods, 2:20 for the scrimps)
BMF- I would only be kidding the disconnected populace if I didn't acknowledge RUBZ life hot streak as well. November has been scorching for this young man...BUT...BUT...no power rankings anywhere in sight after the working copys of yesterday finds him here for another week. Also this-
caption: HURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR)
THE DAVEY THREE'S COMPANY TOO TITLE
Pictured: Smitty and Rubz walking in on Davey listening to Celine Dion, but again, this section is for those that unlike Davey in 29 seasons in Machucando, balled out.
Big Benny
Greg Jenny
Why so serious Stevie
Aaron Rodgy
19 other QB's that threw 4 td'ers
CMON MON! (hit it al!...get that RAGOO on and turn the HEAT up)
AHMAD! MA GOD! 1 POINT! CMON MON!
KELLER! KELLS YOU AINT! 1 POINT! CMON MON!
SAN FRAN D! ARE CHAVS AND SMITTY PLAYING CORNER? 2 POINTS! CMON MON!
ANQUAN! NOT EVEN IN CAROLINA! 1.5 POINTS! CMON MON!
LMAO! JAV STARTED FASANO!? TOO LATE TO PUT HIM IN THE DOWN! CUE THE FASANO SONG! 1.5 POINTS! CMON MON!
CRABTREE! ALASKAN KING HE AINT! 1.5 POINTS! CMON MON!
Who I like on Monday night, and I mean it's the Randy McMichael show:
Ah, perhaps my favorite MMFB segment, the Monday Night Chief picks. Only one game in the balance here as the tol-bear is sure to plunge his fat cheeks forward for two points. El Santo Lechon is clinging with his hooves to a 17 point lead, but Lou aka my boy known as the streets as Louie B. Cool, is trotting out Moreno the Greater and Jaffar Gabbney. I think these two make up for Torain kicking him in the huevitos last week? Poon hounds hit pay dirt....and the star of david danny style. wink!
Till next week! Happy Thanksgiving Fellas.
-THE CHIEF
"Know your role. Chief that Bowl. Do your job."
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