Tits a beautiful day gentlemen! The java is HOT, the birds are CHIRPING, the viejo is SILENT and big papa rubz is more upside down than Percy Harvin (that of le trade of the century ilk) doing goalline pussy poppin on a HANDSTAND. "Isn't this the way god meant Mondays to be papa chief," a young boob chavs is asking from the eternal hell hole that is his team? Why yes you little know nothing rascal. It is. The MIAMI DOLPHINS are atop the division after arguably their biggest win in 2 years but what surprises me most is the blueprint we are rocking...a blue collar team, electric defensive scheme anchored by a hell of a linebacker in Karlitos and swarming speed off the edge with Wake and Misi, and a straight up meat and potatoes offense that now uses one capable receiver occasionally to free up the run. Can't wait till Sunday Night.
Amazing. Boring. Winning. Defense...Miami Dolphins Football.
Pictured: Nuff Said
Onto the goods!
3 Up
King Chief's Chiefs- It's like I never left? Back to Back masterful outtings for el generalisimo from a team firing on all cylinders. As Dinero texted me yesterday, "Looks like we are running this league right now. Foster and Best, thats why you do rotoworld two a days all summer." Two a days indeed, except the chiefs got stevie janowski wielding a needle of roids in public to boot. I know a lot of little birdies were chirping chirping chirpety chirpee after I lost by 1 point last week, but alas, feel free to sing King Chief's Home by Usher and know I'm looking at all of you just.like.this.
Don Pan- The resident load pincher gets second billing this morning after not only PULVERIZING rubz to a pulp, but jumping out of the gates with a cherished 2-0 lead. He woke up this morning with a hop in his step and made sure to let us all know about it, but in all my years playing fantasy football I know very well why he won....he got some major contributions from his tight end, kicker and defense! Dale huevito huevon!!
Poon Hounds- By a hair over blooching who still gets his in from the MMFB. The Poon Hounds took their whoopings from the full back and the boards of terror last week, but he responded with what we can all agree was pretty much an upset victory. (Hint: It's an upset victory because your team sucks donkey dicks) I will be frank. I still think your team finishes near balls last, BUT a win is a win and you delivered a heaping dose negro music to the resident house DJ who got a little bit of karma for once AGAIN promising "Poon picks coming tomorrow." Oh Javi Bear...the more things change, the more they stay the same. Congrats LPeezy.
3 Down
Yodels Revenge- Oh you are going to have to earn those stripes kid. For all that fascination about ghost turds, you need to look no further than the stattracker on sundays to see a fat yule tide log. Let me give you a little lesson in Fantasy 101, c/o Professor Chief. Put your notes Kebron, Fern Bros, this is all in my syllabus.
1.) You have a nice waiver wire spot, better make it count.
2.) You use said waiver spot on a back up QB with spot start capability.
3.) You do not use back up QB that you used waiver spot on this week, and try to trade him with a low ball offer.
4.) Back up QB blows up.
5.) The overrated rookie running back you sold the farm for in the preseason gets carted off, but since you are wise, you handcuffed him.
6.) You didn't handcuff him.
7.) Watches 8 goons put claim in on McNugget Tolbert.
8.) Backup QB rots on bench.
Slippery Scrimp- What once looked like a delicious bucket of the Colonel's Popcorn Scrimp now looks like tiny slippery chino wangs. Even more amazing? He continues to be the biggest MOOCH in this league while simultaneously rocking the title of biggest HEEB. Make a move or keep trying to find you some Shone's. Machucando expects better of you than to finish in the fuggin basement with Chavs, Rubz and Lou.
BMF- By the slimmest of margins over the starving wolf in his turd cave, those true colors finally showed after I praised you last week. Dallas offense looks straight up HORRENDOUS, the target monster is catching more blocks than balls and Ocho Cinco is who we thought he was and we will NOT crown his ass. I can only picture you now seeing Percy flop in that offense and I'm picturing it went something...like...this...
THE DAVEY THREE'S COMPANY TOO TITLE
(yall can figure out who's who here)
Again, this section is for those that balled out on Sunday...and it is only fitting for Davey, who's silence on the boards has given him one strike already as he occupies his time doing pilates in his living room. Keep that snaggle tight madaam!
-Jahvid Best- "Simply the" showed out
-Shaaaaaaaaaady- Me cago! I am officially the worst Machucando better of all time fack. Tho Knowshon did alright. (Wink!)
-Matt Schaub- I guess all bald QB's dont totally blow.
-Aaron Rodgers- The essence of excellence
-AP- El Caballo
C'MON MON! (hit it AL!)
-Ricky Williams. 1 point "CMON MON!"
-MOJO- 2.5 points JAV. "CMON MON!"
-Legedu- 1.5 Points. Who starts this guy? Not even a caribbean sanka man conio!CMON MON!
-Aromoshadu- GOOSE EGG LMAO. DFERN! STOP LISTENING TO MATTHEW BERRY MON! CMON MON!
-Steve Slaton- REPEAT OFFENDER. 1 point. CMON MON!
Who I like on Monday night, and I mean the late night Java crew is going to have the hot shits tonight:
Ah, perhaps my favorite MMFB segment, the Monday Night Chief picks. What.the.fuck?....we are good? We are good?!? But I wanted to make my picks and keep turding on you guys! Damnt...WHO DAT wins. Machucando keeps quaking as teams keep bombing.
Till next week....you know where I'll be.
-THE CHIEF
"Know your role. Chief that Bowl. Do your job."
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