MMFB Week 12

Let's begin today with memories of the good days, when Thanksgiving NFL was as white as the snow on that glorious field and as pure as the snow in Leon Lett's trunk.
Ah the Monday Morning Fullback, here to rescue the Machucando board from the stale garlic fart that has resided since Davey's last post. The MMFB is my eternal cross to bear that unlike some of the so-called columnists/contributors to the Machucando board, gets no fake ass Holiday break. So with that in mind and in the spirit of the signature Holiday King Chief Grinch on a mad GRUMPY Monday Morning, here's a taste of what I'm NOT thankful for:

1.) Not being invited to Stephanie Ortega's wedding: My fabled prize pony heading into Belen freshman year finally tied the knot to a guy known in Miami as "cool ruben." I'll let you guys guess who's "uncool ruben", and it AINT mah boay Molinares. 11 years after St. Michaels, she gets some fake knockers and takes the plunge into the fires of hell skurr blessedly happy matrimony (I gotchu D$). But what cooks my grits the most is not getting invited and being able to party with Johnny ALF, and everyones favorite wedding photo bomber....UNCLE AL



2.) Lynden Trail: As a lifelong friend of Pepe Le Twee, I know an overrated grajoso beanpole when I see one. For those of you that don't follow recruiting, this 6 foot 7 metrosexual defensive end is a Gator commit and ranked as one of the top DE's in the nation. However, on Friday night against Belen, he found himself serving as the roasted pork part of a Cuban Medianoche Offensive Line Sandwich. I haven't seen a darkie get swung around by a bunch of Hispanics since Helio Castroneves opened a dance studio in the Pork and Beans.

3.) Machucando Turkey Bowl: I was going to save this for my year end wrap up, but what the heck. I think I speak for the general public when I say, aren't all of you some fat sacks of shit. So lets break this down vag by vag...

Al- League mooch. Was down to play. Not down to get everyone together. He's charging at Alf for the rights in 2010 to the nickname, SLUG.
Rene- Was reportedly sick. Made some efforts to get it going. I choose to believe he was sick cause that's the only thing that would keep him out.
Rubz- "My schedule is very tight on Thursday." Not as tight as that vageen homie. Rubz bailed on the turkey bowl in classic Rubz fashion saying he doesn't make his schedules. "You guys gotta understand." Nothing new on this front as the only thing the league understands is he spent the week with a self inflicted Panamian chorizo up his turd cutter.
Smitty- One of the few that was down to play on Tuesday and Thursday. Hard to get anything going when you got this crew together.
Lou- Silent Bob went quieter then his iphone when the Gator Club came calling this past Saturday. Down to drag c-stylez in the game but not down to drag his own corpse out there.
Andres- Was down to play. So down he saw this sinking ship and enrolled in the retard bowl to play with the fat kids, quadriplegics and Yoshi at QB. "Regular Staubach over there" (c) Goat
Dfern- Another silent turd who whimpered into the turkey bowl darkness when it came game time. One part being him being Dfern. The other part being sipping Fuzzy Navels with the Dancing Dark Knight at 5 am the night before...



Excused: The Power and The Glory aka E & K, Davey McGahee, Armchair WR D$, Stickum Hands Hernandez, Dood and Dirty.

Now, in the words of Dee Finley's facebook status, "...woke up in pain. But f*ck it cuz its BFR week.(BIG F*CKING RING) lmao- coach mic" BFR Week Indeed boys. BFR Week INDEED.

Onto the goods!

3 up

Hater Blockers- The Chief taketh, and The Chief giveth. A tip of my Panama Hat to the resident league merengue who has put me in my place temporarily (because my true place is atop this league SHITTING on all of you) by extinguishing the rotten hot dogs and clinching the division win that was named for him and his run of the mill offseason faggotry. CJ did his thing in usual fashion, Percy miraculously sealed Rookie of the Year and the Cheeseheads Defense chipped in with a twanky spot. As your reward, here's a clip of you at :10 seconds listening to your favorite holiday tune.



Cohiba Swag- Where wasn't this guy this week? Smitty tore up MIA from start to finish, just as his team did to dinero in regards to their bet by handing him something all Hurricane fans hold their hat on, a moral victory. Sure he lost his bet to Dinero but in a must win game, Smitty's horses went off. But the true victor was uncle smitt's 305 weekend....golf, bayside hut, chicken kitchen, turkey, synthetic heroine?!, chicks fighting in the club over him, hollanade visits, Heat game courtside next to Zo, giving Joey Armas a Western Grip Handjob and spending enough time at Yoshi's crib that he found himself waking up like this between Tyson and Ruca...



London Silly Nannies- In the epic battle of league turd vs. league mojon, only one torta con pelo could reign supreme. And for this week alone, Lou sent a shot across the bow to the league to say that no sir, I will NOT finish is piss last for the 2nd year in a row. Big ups to LP on that Dfern Dubya.

3 down

Wanny McStashes- Nio, where do I begin. 1.) The Big Ben fiasco- technically your 3rd strike for starting an inactive, but I'll give you a special generalisimo waiver since your team is a. falling apart so horribly heading into the playoffs, b. mismanaged to the teeth and c. playing me. 2.) Update that smack talk UNCKA CHARLES and get those Wanny pics circulating like last year and 3.) Airport10 gate- someone I know, a friend of mine, lets call him.....Erik, went to log in to the airport scene yesterday and was denied entrance. I hope this was a mistake, or else, prepare for the classic Machucando charge...



The Salchipaps- Any time you lose to the league JAMON CERANO it stings the nostrils the way a pungent log streaking the innard toilet bowl does. But for a team that had the makings of a midyear monster, this squad fizzled out hard. Unless Davey loses his next 2, which is always possible when you consider its Davey's team, and you win with room next week against McHitlerStashes, it could be another down year in Machucando.

Sweet Home Alabama- You guys see that pic of Andres thuckin on a black ween? If not I suggest you enjoy. I'm thinking about mailing out Christmas cards with that on it. This lovable tyke lands on 3 down for not only kickin mah boay Belvee out the Machucando door and into the cold, but mainly for the Houndstooth spirit he will embody this saturday. I saw you trembling with your bud light golden wheat a few weeks ago when Tenneessee almost beat you. I saw you quivering in your living room with your Zima when Auburn had you on the ropes. And I can envision you now in your dorm, with an O'Douls tall boy, sobbing when Tebow does the same song and dance he did last year and stomps you fools. God Bless.

This week's Chayanne-Smith Sensations is brought to you as always, by Chayanne, who is seen here dressed like a pirate side by side with vAMP Smitty, who most certainly wants to suck his blood. BLUHHHHHHHHHHHH!:


-A-Rodge and Drivah
-Percival Harvin
-Antonio "RAVAGED MY FANTASY TEAM" Gates
-Justin Forsett and Jamaal Charles....I'll.be.damned.

Making its return for this season, is the Nahman Trophy, for the starter who left you saying nah-nah-nah-NAH man after this week. For week 12 it goes to: Common sense says Big Ben Goose Egg, but hold up...Jason Snelling -2 points come on down!!!!!!

Who I like on Monday night, and I mean hot damn Little Dizzy's Gumbo we got a game tonight:

Ah, perhaps my favorite MMFB segment, the Monday Night Chief picks. Hell of a game here with some Machucando implications to boot. Javier is trotting out Randy Moss, with that Nola D and the best kicker in the game, A FUCKIN CARNEY. While I have a golden cushion with Colston to suplement my 38 point lead. I'm taking THE CHIEFS to seal the deal for that ***********. Elsewhere in Machu, Davey is holding on to his playoffs hopes and dreams on the arm of Tim Brady. If Brady can hit the 30 point mark, Davey secures the W..but one thing I've learned is to never count out a GOD DAMN DERKA. Al holds on for the Win.

Till next week, I'll slip my shades on, clear my old negro hymnal throat out, and you goons out with the only song on my mind during BFR week.



-THE CHIEF
"Know your role. Chief that Bowl. Do your job."