MMFB Week 12

Vol. 1 No. 14

What better way to kick off this Thanksgiving holiday edition of the MMFB then with a pair of the overly baked molasses soaked hams I had to witness last night in watching the Chiefs down the Paps to complete the season sweep. I assure you, that was the only New Moon any respectable member of this league should have cashed this weekend, though I always hold out hope for Andres and his cool group of Alabama frat brothers to come through strong. Anyways, this weekend came and went with the voracity of a Dairy Queen soft serve waffle cone turd. All the games sucked on Saturday, and the weekend shnide continued as I made my first and certainly last appearance at Crazy Pianos in the Grove. I assure you, it was nothing like what I was picturing it to be...



Sub that out with a bunch of piss-drunk bros flowing in from Fat Tuesdays and a bunch of douches and D-team Tenacious's D's on the piano and you get the picture. Enough about my turdy weekend, it's time for me to move forwards into the Machucando weekend that was with the dry austerity of Zach Gilifinakis, Between 2 Ferns.

Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis from Between Two Ferns

Onto the goods!

3 Up

God Damn Derkas- Big ups to the TMOT Co-Chairman for finally breaking Dinero's magical machucando winning streak, the strongest to have hit this league since Belveee's last season run last year and my magical Tim Brady crazy train 2 years ago. The Rice bros came through big, while Greg Jennings finally chipped in to assist in the winning effort. A bigger winning effort? Al not being on facebook. Common thinking has it that facebook is a place just to oogle cans and scantily clad hunnies like Andres's hefty halloween hare. Sure, its true. But it is also clutch to see dumb ass pictures of your friends (see any Dfern snap shot, Rubz in a wig, etc.) While some elude me on the book like the Holy Grail (i.e. Lou..I'll get you damnt!), Al is a FB regular. If he's not feeding twinkies to the fat turtle mouth Prellezo, or puffing on a fat stoag, he's making money faces when getting choked by his boay Johnny Mac like this.

Mr. Belveee- And there she is. Off the 5 game shnide with a routine thumping of Lou. Everyone on Belvee's team posted double digits except for his TightEnd and Flex to put him at an illustrious 3 wins on the season. Somehow, he is still in the mix for that 8th playoff spot but will have to get help and win his final 2 games which include a matchup with Division Leader Andres. A true rivalry which has stood the test of time. For years growing up, Rene would chief many a bowl in this young chamacos face. Meanwhile, Andres just yearned for a real friend. But there is some deep seeded hate here, I can sense it, so next week could go the way of the Nature Boy Belvee vs. The Hulkster Del Carmz.



KC Chiefs- Oh, whaddaya know? If it isn't the fat ole CHIEF hopping off the schnide himself and snagging a CRUCIAL division victory. At this point in the year, every single game matters. A win puts you on the wings of angels, while a loss plummets you into the firery negro dungeons of the Hurricane locker room, err, hell. Mimicking its succesful GM, the Chiefs were ok with doing the bare minimum to get by led by yourstruly, Calvin "Overrated" Johnson. Unfortunately for Kebron, there was no Optimus Prime or Shia LeBouf.

2 down

Cohiba Swag- This was a huge game for each of these 2 in the Player Haters Ball division that came all the way down to the wire. In the fight for NYC supremacy, good triumphed over evil in a Machucando match that could only be compared to this with Davey as the lashed shirtless hero, and Smitty as the draped in gold evil villain. Now ban him from the Avie!



Sucka FULL- Must I pile on to this now 9 game losing streak trash bin? I must, I must. That trophy belt must be making its rounds around Florida with a sign that says, "soon to be moving locations." A downright putrid season has Dfern walking around Gville with a spacey chiefed tard look straight out of Dr. Steve Brule's handbook.



This week's Chayanne-Smith Sensations is brought to you as always, by Chayanne, who is seen here graciously holding the only item on Raul's Christmas List:

-Megatron Don
-Wesley Welker
-Sticky Ricky
-Brett Favrah
-Kevin Smiff'
-Rapeslisbegue

Making its return for this season, is the Nahman Trophy, for the starter who left you saying nah-nah-nah-NAH man after this week. For week 12 it goes to: A two-way kick in the nuts goose egg split from Ladell Betts & Stevie Breaston! Come on down!! (Narrowly edging out Dfern's -1 point from Marshawn)

Who I like on Monday night, and I mean I wish Jav would pilot that airplane straight into Tootsies after tonight:

Ah, perhaps my favorite MMFB segment, the Monday Night Chief picks. Only one Machucando game to be decided tonight and for all purposes, Rubz has this one in the bag much to the league's chagrin. While his team is looking primed for the playoffs, his next 2 games will put him through the deadliest goon gauntlet to ever cross this league--The Estebros. On the flip side, Jav's team is looking more and more vulnerable as he backs into the playoffs in classic late 90's Dolphins style. Now if you'll excuse me, its about time for me to mail in the next 72 hours. Happy Thanksgiving to all the members of the league. May you celebrate it as I always do...



Till next week.

-THE CHIEF
"Know your role. Chief that Bowl. Do your job."