Note: Event was supposed to have Mayor passing out turkeys to geezers. The catch? Turkeys never showed. You try and fend off 1,000 white meat starved seniors. I haven't seen a disaster like that since the inventor of SWAG, Black Brady Jacorry, set foot in Chapel Hill. The Mayor ended up like this...
Moving on to the weekend that was. I am fuggin spent. The past 72 hours was a nonstop booze bender, with sports and 2 visits to 2 different gentlemen cabarets. Where did my weekend go? Where has my life gone? Is there more to my existence right now then chatting nonstop midweek, a shredded groin, Cochinos sliding, Florida Gator Dynasty Watching, and Dolphin game ditching at half to park my keester at TOOTS all Sundee? Not likely. Like every Monday prior, I'm in shambles and its 2 pm. Not even the usual 9 am groggy needs to shave/drink some cafesitos status. I feel like the Falconer, a straight up hanging urine soaked pinata, with Smitty playing the Falcon in Vegas...
Enough about by my life lingering like the underwears I left at Malibu Grand Prix toilet stall because I turded myself on a summer camp field trip. Onto the goods!
3 Up
Baby Fark McGee Zax- I dunno who Davey is, trying to get all up on ma good side with his spectacular matchup effort and now a huge win for this space cash hoarding NYC alien, but it has earned him top Kudos granola bar on the MMFB. For awhile there the kid had been sliding around in the Machu muck, but this win powered by Tim Brady Mothafuckas, T.J. Housh-incosisntent-Tostada and Forte puts him right back in the playoffs race with only 3 weeks to go.
Cohiba Swag- Another big time much needed win for a team that needed a boost. Actually let me cut all the bullshit. Smitty gets MMFB love for disposing of the league's Nicaraguan Country Bumpkin. AP got his, Jamaal Charles cagged into his, and like clockwork, Westbrook checked out for the season, but more importantly for this Stogie Soulja, his team took care of work when it needed to.
London...Silly...Nan..nan...nies- THERE I SAID IT. GOD DAMNT. The League Punchline finally got off the career-long schnide in disposing of the Fantasy Gods Chosen Son. Like Rubz said, he can place this one up there on the mantel with his pair of MarioKart 64 Big Show Victories. He snapped an 8 game losing streak on the shitacular waiver wire start of Robert Meachem (12 points to Colston's GOOSE EGG. FACKIN TITS.
3 down
KC Cochinos- There I am on the flipside. Losing to a guy who in the past 2 years has a combined 3-19 record. Losing to a guy who makes Ruben look like he knows what he's doing in this league. Losing to a guy who spends more time on Eastbay.com and HipHopInsider.org then Rotoworld. Losing to the Dr. Dre, the Double Entrendres from The League, of Machucando. I have nothing left to say, except I'm going clinically batshit, and will descend upon the next T.M.O. Thursday or wherever we watch the Fins game like this...
HaterBlockers- As I assumed the position last week, now it is the HB's turn to burn at the D3 Mighty Duckets Stake. Impeccable outtings from the always reliable Reggie Wayne and CJ, weren't enough to overcome the Machucando Lady Mama Joo Joo witch doctor. Get your hex off this league Dinero and start performing like your college allegiance! Or perhaps a gimpy Burner Turner has already sent you in that direction. Buahhahahaha
Mr. Belvee- What can I say about this team that hasn't already been said about it's running backs and luck this year? Looks bawwwmed out a deeepleeted (c) Silky Johnston. With 3 games left on schedule, he needs to run the table in every game to make it to that 8 spot. Like Kevin Garnett, ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE!!!!!!!!!!!This week's Chayanne-Smith Sensations is brought to you as always, by Chayanne, who was finally kind enough to shoot over the picture of Raul and him from that one fateful Caribbean night:
-CJ
-Raaaaandy
-Pey Pey
-Tim Brady
-AP
-Everyone not on my team
Making its return for this season, is the Nahman Trophy, for the starter who left you saying nah-nah-nah-NAH man after this week. For week 11 it goes to: Marques Colston, come on down and kick me in the egg basket! 0.0.
Who I like on Monday night, and I mean could it be-fern?
Ah, perhaps my favorite MMFB segment, the Monday Night Chief picks. Looks like everything is decided. Wait. What's this? It can't be. Holy Freckled Floppy Flap Jacks, Dfern has a near 30 point cushion heading into tonights Monday Night Mierda-Thon. Dfern is trotting out El Gato Flacco, while Al is repping Ray Rice, Baltimore Defense and Derrick Mason. (Starting these 3 on the reg and winning so much? Con-fucking-nio) I don't want to jinx the old Gainesville Jinxy Cat himself, but in the words of Dood and Fergie...I got a feeeeeeeling. Just know if Dfern does pull this off, he will be cutting a faggier/hotter rug then his Magic Night in Jacksonville!
(SEE BELOW)
Till next week!
-THE CHIEF
"Know your role. Chief that bowl. Do your job."
No comments:
Post a Comment