MMFB Week Four

Vol. 1 No. 7

Champagne. Brunch. Bitches. Afternoon you IMPATIENT Naggers! No finer way to put a hop in your Monday step then a short work week, a road trip on the horizon, a pending Machucando W and of course, the FINS TO THE LEFT, FINS TO THE RIGHT. Apologies for the delays.

Woo wee, was that an monumentally-much needed-epic-dick-swinging victory if I've ever seen one. Sure, I've been drunk as balls for 3 days straight, but yesterdays highlights included a hellacious tailgate ft. dueling dragon funnels, Clos calling some Buffalo fan with a Costanza hair situation a "horeshoe head motherfucker," Dirty dropping his pants walking his way up 437 and showcasing his Zubaz undies to a racaus standing ovation crowd, a 10-deep unison WAH! WAH! WAH! chant at the Bills fans two rows down in McGahee jerseys talking shit, and the icing on the cake, watching a Bills fan drop 2 peen-ya-sos on a Fin fan outside the stadium only for the Bills fan's girlfriend to walk away in disgust and me telling her to her face, "real keeper you got there," followed by 2 of Kebron's boys coming out of nowhere and Goldberg spearing that fucker into the ground before giving him the Rodney King treatment. It was fuggin awesome and on that note, I hope to see all of you gay ass turkeys next Monday Night when we SMASH the JETS. Early RSVP's include THE CHIEF, K-Dizzle, Dirtallion Stallion, Young Nola Smitty, Rubz, Jav, and Rene with the Derka lurking.

Shit, there were so many good things happening, it was tough to keep up with. Even Ted Ginn got in on the orgy with a nifty 22-yard end-around. Because if Ginn's gonna be good at anything, it's going to be something involving an end-around. So to recap, A true welcome back, to Victory Monday! You fickle little minx you. You've been cruel to us lately. But you have awesome knockers, so we welcome you back with open arms! Speaking of awesome knockers, I hope someone got a cheap laugh at drunk Berman expressing his love of all things TITS on Sunday morning.



Onto the Goods!

3 up


(pictured: Bacon as Derka, Derka Derka'ing Al)

God Damn Derkas- Real time video of Al at Ocean Bank (at the corner of Baka Laka Street and Sherpa Sherpa Blvd) ,

Looks like every week I'm here praising this towel head, but this one is truly worthy. He did what I couldn't last week, and slayed the league's resident bag of biased hot air merenguito, otherwise known as the Wednesday WordSmith Walrus. Why use 3 words to overhype your team when you can use 9,000 and still forget that you've been a crusty dingleberry in this league for the past 3 seasons right fellas? I digress. Al finally got the once-every-four weeks QB-WR double up dividends and that combined with Mierda Mason's effort was enough to put him over the top.

The Salchipaps- And the Salchi's are in the WIN column! Albeit against Dfern's paper tigress squad, but a W nonetheless on the back of Antonio Hates just slicing and dicing that Shittsburgh secondary behind the arm of mah boay King Floater Rivers. And for Dfern, Roy Williams is about as reliable as you taking care of your boys for LSU tickets. Nuff. SAID.

London Silly Nannies- But Chief, how can you put Lou and his steaming pile of soft serve in 3 up when he fumbled his game to of all people, Davey "Don't bothering offering me trades unless your first name starts with R and ends with ene Rubio" Fern. Well, as the resident league evil grinch, I got to see some stage 9 backstabbery occur between GM's and lord knows I was lickin my chops.

Scene: Monties, Happy Hour, Eric, Louie chatting while Rubz finishes his 387th oyster at the Raw Bar

Rubz- "You know they say these things are natural aphrodisiascs right? Guess what fellas, that ain't a jumbo scrimp in my pocket!"
Lou- "Looks like a popcorn scrimp if you ask me" (chest Bumps E)
E- "So the Machu tradewire blew up just now, Rene sold real low on Brady/Housh : / right. Rubz, whats your plan at QB since you traded J-Cutts for a log of shit."
Rubz- "Oh i got this guys, gonna scoop up Kyle Orton and I'll be straight."
Lou- "Oh def bra, do it. Btw, can you top me off."

Cue Saturday's wee hours as Lou gets home at 3 am after a McDouble with me and Dirtee, and places a claim. Coming from a guy who once lost his shit about losing Gostowski, I tip my hat and raise my drink.


1 down

Too many games up in the balance right now, but there is 1 clear loser out there this week and its D-$. Twas only a matter of time before this overrated squad came back to earth and this week, it fell out of the sky like the shit I took on my SouthWest flight enroute to Vegas.

This week's Chayanne-Smith Sensations is brought to you as always, by in-your-faceChayanne! Bc when Smitty came to, he had these mysterious latino brown eyes an inch away from his face.

- Steve Smiff- New Jersey, not Carolina
- Rapelisberger
-Antonio Hates
- Pierre Escargo
- LazerFace Rivers

Making its return for this season, is the annual Nahman Trophy, for the starter who left you saying nah-nah-nah-NAH man after this week. For week two it goes to:
-Braylon Edwards come on down!!!!!!!
Honorable mention to Devin Hester bc we've been calling this one for weeks.


Who I like on Monday Night, and I mean:

Here it is. The day no one has been waiting for. Favre x 1 million.
Couple games in the balance so I'll jump right to it.

Rene is cooked, absolutely only injury will save him cooked. AP will get his.

Which leaves me against the freshman NERD to decide. I flashback to one year ago, Monday Night Football. Andres losing by .5 and only needing 1 catch from Lee Evans to win it. Like everything when it comes to me and Andres (college affiliations, drinking, pounding poon, Xbox lives), I came out victorious. Down 15 with A-Rodge and D-Drive while I trot out the cheeshead Defense, I think you know where this one is going. A-Rodge can't handle the Minnesota front 7, while Driver posts one of his usual 3 for 40 nights. THE CHIEFS WIN.

Till next week, where I will be returning home smelling of corn dogs and victory. LET'S DANCE YOU JIGS!



-THE CHIEF
"Know your role. Chief that bowl. Do your job."