The Brantley over Cam
“When Racism Goes Wrong” Award
- Ruben Moreno
We thought Al Canelas was a lock to win Racist GM of
the Year every year after his seminal “Lynch by Lynch” speech. But Al is facing stiff
competition this season from an unlikely source. Ruben may believe he has a Joe
Rose-caliber hood pass, but the reality is a bit different.
Facing a must-win game against Lazaro El Lechon, Ruben chose to roll with Coby Fleener instead of Jermichael Finley. This fuckup cost him the win and possibly the season.
The Jeff Driskel
Disgrace to the Race Award
- Andrew Luck
The Bank went North of the Wall with his lineup this week,
trotting out four honky starters and a Minnesota defense led by Jared Allen,
Chad Greenway and Harrison Smith. Raul’s entire team blew dick like a Close Up
honkette, but Andrew “Puddn’mouth” Luck sealed the deal with a 7-point steamer
on Monday Night.
The Todd Award a.k.a Most Ruthless Honk
- Matt Bosher, punter, Atlanta
I don’t care if the Falcons had a bye.
I Got These
Cheeseburgers, Man!
- Tom Brady, QB, New England
An award for the most desperate win of the week. For Tom
Brady, he stole a win and showed up to the post-game press conference dressed
like he just finished fucking Lisa Salters.
And it was a must-win for Andres, who has spent the past
month trying to trade handjobs for walk-around money. Congrats, buddy. Here’s a
five.
Best Honk Start
- The Chief - St. Louis Defense (29 points)
Our own Herb Edwards was fighting for his life against the defending champs. He could've gone to Blue Martini and chased some divorcee tail with Craig Minervini. But instead he went back on the grind, hitting the waiver wire and picking up one of the stingiest honk defenses in the league. The Chief rides another day.
Honkette of the Week
- Drunk Ole Miss Chick
Big beautiful eyes, plump titties and drunk. Turn to :38 of this video to see a true princess.
Honk to Watch
- Braxton Berrios, WR
It’s a classic Miami story.
Rico Berrios, a Puerto Rican from Southridge High, had grown
tired of his mama’s mofongo. Young Rico spent his days dreaming of a place with
manicured lawns, unlocked doors and rivers full of rainbow trout. So he did what any self-hating Miami spic
would do--- he packed his bags for North Carolina.
Young Rico soon struck it rich, marrying a blonde Southern
belle and pumping out two honk sons. His
first son, Austin, was a stellar athlete who earned a football scholarship to
East Carolina. But it was Rico’s youngest son, Braxton, who emerged as a wigger
superstar. No matter how much Rico tried
to keep Braxton away from Miami, he was a bro at heart. Braxton wore Figaro
chains and Hurricanes hoodies everywhere he went. On the field, he was garnering acclaim as the
best slot receiver in the nation.
Down in Miami
Beach, your boy Dinero was chowing down on Rabbi-approved Baskin Robbins
while watching Berrios highlights. I showed his clips
to one of my contacts with the Canes, and the next thing you know Miami
is in Berrios’s
top five. This past Saturday, Berrios put on his pinky ring and chain
before making it
official.
Welcome home, Braxton.
See you next week.
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