Vol. 6 No. 2

Ah, nothing like sauntering back into work after a tits down weekend, but alas here we are jamming to fresh Ja Rule after Michael Vick PUT IT ON MEEEEEEEEEEE. It was quite the week for Machucando, highlighted by the return of the Honky Herald, some early morning stashing of restashes and trade talks leaguewide that in some cases, got so hot you could fire up a nuclear reactor, and in others, were so cold, they would make a witches saggy titties sweat profusely. Toss in there a John Lukacs wedding in the land of 1,000 mamas on Saturday night, a redzone hate watch party / Davey roast at Rene’s on Sunday and a shit your pants episode of Breaking Bad on Sunday night and you’ve got yourself a good ole fashioned sour Monday Morning Fullback. A quick self pic of me from yesterday after my QB woes killed me once again:

Onto the goods!

3 UP

Smitty-  Twas the great poet, philosopher, tanned nipple Nature Boy who once said, and I quoth, “to be the man, you’ve got to beat the man,” and for the second time in as many meetings, Smitty did just that. Smitty turned up the heat in the ice box and did the damn thing in a shootout versus yours truly. For every redzone score I did not celebrate, there was a Bank counterpunch waiting. In the end, murda was the case and QB made the difference as the Bank vaults to 2-0.

Dfern- The youngest, oldest West Palm Beach pechuga gets second tug today for notching a speedy 2-0 start on the back of el basurero, RG3, and corny cobb. Dfern’s team is looking like a brick shit house, especially if he can get constant production from his flex, TE and RB2. However, the Sucka Free memorial mojo continues rolling on with Dfern in the W columb this week.

Tones- The third beej goes to the man who I’ve dubbed squeeker. Squeaks by his competition this week, after squeaking through the message board last week. One thing you can’t squeak. 2-0. Uncle Tony went jama on panfilo Kebron behind Julio’s near 30 burger and Denver’s complete special teams. A nice ace in the hole, but if you want that drumstick, only winners get wings, and you've notched the special grille for your quick start.

3 DOWN

Rene- The above gif is in reference to Rene’s toilet bowl after yesterday’s Power Pizza lunch.  For the second straight week, David Wilson delivered a swift death blow to Rene’s outlook as the curse of the 1^st pick, 2^nd round running back is now two years strong. (DIE RYAN MATTHEWS)The arrow points sideways for the longterm outlook as long as AP, Brees and DJAX continue putting up their usual lechasos. 

Al- Sweet potatuh? No thanks. Cauliflower? I’d rather smell a purple taco dunked in day old au jous after the lunch shift at the Trap. Lobsta? Only with jaguares. The only MASH this man gets is a straight up MONSTA:

1 week after Peyton’s 60 burger, Al’s team headlines the mash unit as injuries to Eddie Lacy, Ray Rice and Vernon Davis shelved his chances at a W. For all the hype Joik is getting, he didn’t hit double digits. Whatever, keep partying to the music I just posted like everyone else. 

Davey- The United States had an easier time greenlighting Argo to free 6 American hostages in Iran than you’ve had moving Fernandez squared overvauled, complete dead weight from your bench as the league watches and waits in mixed joy and horror. Week 2 of negotiations opened up with, “a lot of has changed since Saturday,” continued with bringing in a 3^rd party trader and closed after 96 hours with “I’m shutting things down for the week.” And on that note, Ruben is grinning seeing you violently tossed from the FRENCH BENEFITS of Papa’s Pocket to the Chief’s crock pot fryer of rage. ARodg did the heavy lifting, but your wide receivers remain shakier than a butt naked Michael J. Fox in an igloo. Here’s to sweet Redmon vengeance and MARIE DIES AFTER WALT SWAPS OUT HER SUPPOSITORY FOR RICIN. DEATH BY RICIN BUTTHOLE. Hope I spoiled it for ya.

CMON MON

YEAH YEAH YEAH BRING THOSE MORTS ON DOWN!

AnMON Boldin- .5 points. But you don’t a receiver either do you Jav. If anyone can part with Walter Payton, Jav is also waisting points on his bench with a backup QB for you to not use. CMON MON!

JaMON Cook- Hype cools off on D$’s pet project, much like 98 percent of his Canes prognosticating. The two percent being his spot on Driskel, Deonte, Gator hate. 1.5 points. CMON MON!

MON Francisco- I didn’t watch this game, because I was watching Breaking Bad, but Gore se cago. 2.5 points. CMON MON!

Al’s Injured Trio- De pinga. Drink a glass of milk you pumpkin pie haircutted freaks. CMON MON!

Brent Celek- The ole goose egg! CMON MON!

Who I like on Monday night, and I mean, cMON Isaac RedMON:

Ah, perhaps my favorite MMFB segment. The Monday night chief picks. Every game is signed, sealed delivered tonight with the exception of the Oye People shootout. Jav needs a 5 piece from his soon to be worthless RB2, again, if you can part with Bo Jackson, Jav has a backup QB with your name on it, to put one in the win column. JAV WINS.

-KC CHIEFS