Greetings cheezers, teasers, feezers and geezers. It's a cloudy, rainy day here in Broward County, but inside, it's nothing but sunshine. Once the dust had settled last night, I'd imagine more than a few Machu faces looked exactly like the pictured Chief Kitty above. Staring at the TV in awe, wondering where it all went oh so wrong or undoubtedly right. I usually utilize this real estate to discuss my weekend (it blew), the Dolphins (they blew) and/or college football (NC State had a white free safety! No me jodas. Shakedown the thunder from the sky!). However, to quote an audio recording of a chonga talking on new years, "this fullback, its all about ME." After an 0-1 start that had the salvajes pissing on the Chief's tomb, Machucando's All-Time winningest member has rallied back with 3 straight dubs. Expected, predictable and with Davey on deck, trendspottable. Allow my spokesman to deliver a message to you all:
Needless to say last night was an epic game. Shout out to my boy Major Wright. +1 to my homie Peanut Tillman. Much love Orange Julius. BEAR DOWN Machucando, the King is back. Time to step GINGERLY through the next section as I feel some GM's are still on edge after last night.
3 UP
Los Sanduskers RTR- Only one baby bro could truly reign supreme and A-Tard squeaked out a win vs A-Wol. All of Andres team nabbed double digits, which means can't wait to see them fart out a Rubz-approved 50 pointer next week. Kebron is standing by his man in Ridley and Matty Ice stayed hot, but it wasn't meant to be this week. Join the ranks of the 3-1 elite and I will 4C you later.
Blooching- Yee olde stacks counter gets second beej status by toppling his Machucando rival in a battle that almost deserves as much attention as the Commish Bowl. Almost. New New finally put up 1st round pick numbers and D-Jax also chimed in with signs of life. As a whole, got to give the most love to your squad for putting up the exact number in fantasy points that Stephen Morris threw for + fans in attendance for kick off.
Cashing Out- 3rd love for the 1st mojon. Another who finally showed up in the box score, A-Rodg, combined with stout outings from Don Francisco and Gordy Nelson. This really isn't a 3 up, as much as it is a fine pat on the back of exposing Tony's fraud team. Oye Tony, all those text messages with Rene and you still have a fat asshole goose egg in your flex spot. Congrats D-fern.
3 DOWN
Team No Sleep- Someone start the poll today please. Machu wants Davey to feed us: 1.) Sammiches 2.) Pan Con Pinga 3.) Shaved Davey butt cheek carnitas 4.) Big Sausage Pizza. Oh god, I said big sausage pizza....Jav has just awoken from his slumber with the pizza box cutout hole for a flacid shlong.
Don Pan- The third lowest point scorer this week truly pulled out all the stops to try and climb chief mountain. Barden, Alshon, a late week trade, THE WORKS. Alas, all for not. Trust me, no one wants to dance on this turds grave more than I do, but after the comeback he put together last season that brought him the belt and served as the single speckle of shit on my stainless steel plate...I'll hold off on the jook for a little while longer. Ah fuck it, lets boogie.
Parrot Heads / Lo Viste- Whoooo can it be nowww. I'm feeling like a replacement ref, looking in the pile, but really thinking about going home and chilleeen. These guys spent all night in a low powered back and forth tussle. My flex sucks. No your WR 2 sucks. Take this deflected pass. All I know is, I can't name a winner till the stat corrections come out. Some of the stats I've seen on Eagles.com indicate Rubz is taking this one, while Al has already taken his pack of gritties to Funthton's cubicle to be notarized. As long as you are both cagao, I'm happy.
THE HEISENBERGS
Brady- He's back?
Roddy White- Please take a back seat to Julio. Again.
Cam Newton- Figgin
And much love to always a step ahead of the game, Red Beard. Picked him up preseason knowing I'd start him week 4. Stop giving me that cara mierda. I'm THAT good.
LO COMISTE
Please throw up the Lo Viste over your ombligo as you read these.
Pitta- Sun dried. Goose egg. #LoComiste
Shonne Green- lmao you could pick up a dead body and start it at your rb2 at this rate. 3 points. #LoComiste
CJ Spiller- Not yet. Deuces. #LoComiste
Big Money Bennett- Atta boy. You know he wasnt gonna do me wrong. .5 points. #LoComiste
Michael Bush- 1...more...yard....2...point....5...total. #LoComiste
Meacho!- Oye Beacho! .5 #LoComiste
Maclin- Ninja turtle .5 #LoComiste
Till next week. Have at it guys.
-KC CHIEF
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