Greetings swizzledicks! Better late than never is the TMFB motto and after a a week filled with surprises, I had to deliver like I always do. And just in time for lunch as well! Let's eat shall we?
Quite alot of meat on the intro docket to briefly recap a wild weekend in Chief land. 10 year reunion went down aka the Gay & Gordo Festival. Holy shit, if you guys could have seen the look on some of these washed up mouthbreathers. Seriously, I think I walked out of there with a head the size of Peyton's after chugging Ozzie Smith's Nerve Tonic. Big surprise right? The only other highlight was watching the Gators pull away in a room full of weepy Hurricane eyes. You could cut the envy with a butter knife, but rest assured we kept it classy aka I did the worm across Monty's soul patch style.
Part 2 of the weekend was highlighted by the Dolphins home opener and my lord, you fairweather fucks do the right thing by not sacking up and going to Sun Life on a Sundee. Our once proud tailgate is down from 10 goons in 2006 to OG trio in myself, D-Sanz and Kebron. Luckily, Smitty worked his club section magic and got us in to the air condition seats so we didn't have to watch the game. You didn't miss much of the tailgate unless you count a gordo doing the one leg up with panzeet jiggling and also this?
ONTO THE GOODS!
3 UP
HOUSE LANNISTER- Top props go my liege and my leach respectively. No brainer trifecta to get the first fluff. Week 2's Top point performance + Rubz drubbing + celebratory congrats text last night from Jav. RG3 went serrano, Victor Cruz did his thing Blue Banquet Hall style and T-Gonz was surprisingly sturdy. I look forward to getting LP and JH back in the good graces of the 3 up soon enough.
GRONKSANITY- Wanna Gronk it out? From league punch line to league puncher, Tones nestles into the number 2 spot powered behind the cagalera of the century in Reggie Bush. While K-dizz may be ready to hand you the title (HA!...HA HA HA), I've made my 2 cents clear. Talk to me after a 2-3 week sample size. Till then, ride your stable of shitty Bengals till the wheels off. Congrats on the 2-0 start.
LOS SANDUSKERS RTR- I always take joy when the league's lessers come to the Chief for fantasy advice. I'm here to help! And in Andres' case, I really was trying to help in the Cobb spot start because he's facing Dfern. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, screams Machucando. T-Rich got his welcome to the NFL on and Eli Manning had his best game of the season. Big ups to Sandusky's shower pal on bringing home the W.
3 DOWN
LO VISTE- Got a pic of Rubz on Sunday:
Hold on...let me reach into the chief ball pit joke machine for commentary. Suck my balls you doof.
DON PAN- Great joy in welcoming Rene to the 3 down section after giving him a week 1 hall pass. You deserve every jeer coming your way for that Alshon spot start (not that I can talk...more on that soon), but this team needs some 30 point talent asap. Brady's average start has shown the issue with taking QB first round and that Dallas duo..AY MAMA. This team probably needs to be completely blown up, and the hotline just won't cut it. I'm going to assume that Ren is deep in the lab, formulating his next move:
KING CHIEF'S CHIEFS: That's right, time to pay the piper. Giving myself my first career strike for starting baby ribs, an inactive horse who is the bane and champagne of my existence and also putting myself on here for doubting greatness. If there had been a MMFB, I would have admittedly not picked myself to win. I saw exactly zero snaps of last night's game driving home from Orlando and got home at 1 am to Kebron playing Madden only to sneak up on him with a devlish chief grin. Big Ben big timed, Arian went barbarian and best of all, I proved the little people of Machucando wrong who voted a unanimous 9 to my 1 in picking the winner. One more chief head tilting gif, for your favorite Chief putting in work at the shotgun wielding Bank.
THE HEISENBERG'S
Reggie Bush- TROLLOLOLOLOL
CJ Spiller- Sell.
Hakeem Nicks- Buy.
Eli Manning- Yikes.
Like a dish at Pollos Hermanos served cold, it was a rough day for the all-stars.
LO COMISTE
Let's lock it up with the Lo Comiste headliner this week, the QB1 turned QBslug, and please remember to throwup the #LoComiste
Boldin- Boldly scoring, 1 point. #LoComiste
Julio- Extra high pitch, like if you kicked high-pitch Julio in the nuts. 3 points. #LoComiste
Rene's team minus the Gator- #LoComiste
Bradshaw- 1 point. Taco Neck. #LoComiste
Rubz team plus the No. 3 TE. #LoComiste
Shone Greene- Guy is a staple in this section. 2 points. #LoComiste
Fitzy & AHern combined. They got half on it. #LoComiste
Dallas D- Cincy D woulda turned the tables. Don't sleep....on the chief?!? 2 points. #LoComiste
No Monday night picks, so I will see you all tomorrow BRIGHT AND EARLY (wink) with some love coming down the pike on a CALL OUT WEDNESDAY.
-KC
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