MMFB Week 12

Gee Golly, that long weekend sure was swell. Really good to re-charge and be back at workkkkkkk--GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUCKKKKK YOURSELF. My god, I thought these days off would help quell the hate burning deep down in my belly, but alas, here I am on another Monday morning and I can barely whiff my own farts without having my anger boil over.



Let's theme this bitch up with what I am NOT thankful for. Feel free to chime in on the boards for what you are NOT thankful for:

- Gambling: Yes, that's right. Gambling, one of Machucando's favorite vices. I can't remember the last time I won a fucking bet in this league. My latest gamble, WE-DA, is an epic disaster unworthy of the King Chief label. With my luck, the Marlins will average 10 people attendance next year (Smitty bet) and Money May is going to make fried rice of Paquiao in 2019 (Doc Chavs bet). Oh well, I'll always have BT huntin on Thanksgiving eve with Al and Smitty.

- Urban Meyer: Well, everyone said it. This guy is a true dick sucker. ANYONE, and I mean ANYONE, who supports/roots/cheers for him at Ohio State deserves to be pelted with water balloons filled with rotten goat milk and turds. So let me know when you want to face the goat milk/turd firing squadron Rubz.

- John Brantley: Dinero was right. I have almost rid myself of this Caucasian sin against football. Then again, Dinero was wrong. Jacory Harris finished with the same pizazz as a mid 90's Frank Costa Atlantico rum party at the Clevelander.

- Billy Hunter: WOW. Way to roll over and take one on the chin you old cooter. I thought we had a dream, to lock these fools out! This could have been a hockey town!! Now every Carreta croqueta wielding miquibin is back on the HEAT. Here's to the next 5 months of "BRO...like.....LeBron...." calls on Sedano.

What I am thankful for? Cue the me and Smitty gif.



Onto the goods!

3 UP

KC Chiefs- Even when I'm shooting myself in the foot, I'm still wielding my Mercury Morris sized knee slapper across the league. A season sweep of Don Pan, followed by a Perfect Season clinching rout against TireZone plus next week and the stage is set to re-write history. A Brady triple up here, some ponches there....same song been around the world.

Grapes and Cheese- Who knew that one Bernie Wells draft day gaffe would end so swimmingly. Hell, Lou still hasn't been able to shake the shit stank from his Marvin Harrison draft day gaffe and the Doctor's in the District 9 clinic in Manhattan still call Chavoustie "Montario." But Bernie's breakout, combined with Matt Ryan showing his first glimpse of QB-1 this season, was just enough to tickle Tone's twine.

Garrity Motors- HUGE win with respect to the playoff hootenannny going on in Machucando right now. An all around strong outting proved enough to extinguish with the paper tigre that is Dfern's squad. I don't how Dfern has managed to survive this season looking at 12 straight red zone Sunday's of Legarette Blount and Shonne Greene reenacting the Fridge's role in the Superbowl Shuffle.

3 DOWN

Don Pan- The hot streak comes to an end, just not enough sizzle in the V-Jax steak to overcome the Chiefs. Ballsy call benching Brown for Percy, BUT, fortune favors the bold. Win and you are in next week, lose and you could get pinched out of the playoffs for the 2nd time in 3 years.

El Beecho- This team is struggling to JAMA, like a Cuban in camaguey trying to chase down his next meal, the team just has no bull gondolas. With AP out, its Breezy and a bunch of mier you are throwing at Andres and hoping it sticks.

T-Rich Nut Tuggers- "Yea man! I'm going to Wall tonight!!"....30 minutes later..."Yo Easy E, green street is sick!." Andres man! Where are all the hunnies? I thought you were gonna introduce Miami to POUNDTOWN. Let me quote the godfather here..."you come up to me, with your sense of gaia-faggotry, offering neither tits NOR a tasty sammich. GTFO." If you dare come down for Christmas break, I suggest offering up some Alabama poon to your elders. Now go back to your regularly scheduled life in Tuscaloosa =>



CMON MON!



Jerome PIMPson- What a flex! Deuces! CMON MON!
Don Francisco- Cue the Chacal! 3.5! CMON MON!
Denarius Moore- OH YES...THAT'S A STRIKE! INACTIVE! GOOSE EGG! CMON MON!
Nasty Nate- 1.5! COCKTAIL...FRUIT! CMON MON!

Who I like on Monday Night, and I mean WHO DAT-WHO-DAT-WHO-DAT:

Ah, perhaps my favorite MMFB segment, the Monday night chief picks. After week 11, I am riding high on my record of 20-4-1. That's right, I'm giving myself a tie on that stat correction! A few games still to play, with implications around the world....

Barring injury to Derp Head Eli, a 21 point cush gives Davey the W over Bebe Bro. Smitty has a 1 point lead and Sprizzy vs. Lou and that fat turd B Jacobs. Huge win for the bank here, which may not have been so in the bag if Lou hadn't throw in the towel. Downgrade Lou from shark to sheep, until the next amateur hour of course. You are already providing the spread next year, till then, finish strong,WE WANT TITS LOU!

Finally, now here's one that will Tones on the fuckin crapper all night as the king of the 1 point party and .5 scored against its over bro! 53 point lead on D$ who is bringing out Stevie Nicks, Victor Cruzan AND Jimmy Graham. I have mixed feelings on D$...on the one hand, I am giving a standing ovation for his launch of CanesInSight.com, a tremendous undertaking that consumes more time than a married man and full time worker can possibly give. On the other hand, go choke on a handful of South Beach sandiwcherie footlongs. Your contributions to the Machucando board this year have been PIDDLY. Chief going out on a limb! Dinero UPSETS Tones.

Till next week!

-12 AND FUCKING 0