(OGRE GROANNNNNNNNNN)HOOOOLY SHIET! I'm sitting here at my unholy shithole of a cubicle and I got my jimmy legs twitchin like a roach in Chavs apartment that just got walloped with Sunday's sports section. You know, I used to warm up the fullback by traditionally touching on what the Dolphins did, but as Stephen Ross, Sparano and Ireland have done to this fanbase...FUCK tradition. I'm not giving that team one more curly pube of publicity to my legion of readers. The next time you see me write about the Dolphins, it will be sandwiched between the word TOOT-SIES.
So yea...I went to G-ville this weekend with Rubz, Lou and my boy T-Dawg. Yes, Dfern was there AND yes for all those asking, he was doing Dfern things...
As for the rest of the weekend...
Reality hits you hard bro....we jammed out, highlighted by our first ever ejection from The Swamp because Rubz/Greg told some fat sorority ginger to "chill out sugar tits." It was pretty sweet and now I feel like a BAD ASS. End of story. And yea I got my beak wet, SO. Onto the goods!
3 up
KC Chiefs- If I didn't start this off without a self beej I may just face plant onto this laptop. Out the gates 2-0 sitting in first place, Yahoo best draft award, constant triple projections and the fear of Brady instilled in each and every one of you little lambs. Sweetest of all? Mini-redemption on the one known as "Garrity Motors". Take your sign, golf kart, and go drive it off a cliff straight onto Joe Flacco's flaccid weiner arm.
T-Rich's Nuts- Well, I'll be damned. There I was laying in bed, not wasting one more minute of watching the Falcons, and I get a phone call from this little dingleberry. "Commish, thank you for giving my fantasy life back. I own Smitty man, he is my BITCH." He he he, you said it, not me. Big ups to Andres for the W, making a nice rival enemy in Machu and leaving Smitty in the city lookin like this bruh-man
Don Pan- Fresh off the first of the year summertime fantasy fleece, Old Navy brand of course, Rene sneaks into the praise section for a thorough thumping of Kebron's beechos and the aforementioned deal. Fred Jackson showed out at home against the groggy raiders (you guys try flying the red eye from LAX. us west coasters know what thats about) (borrows cig from Smitty) (ashes it on Davey's forehead).
3 down
Tones- Anytime you jump on the boards monday morning pre-empting your fullback pow pow, its never a good thing. Tones is reeling in Machu failing to hit the hundo mark at any point.
Dinero- So far hands down the best poster in Machu...I didn't think the comedy could get any richer then the Honks of the Week, but then you go talking about the Canes in a majority-Gator league like you are trumpeting some sort of modern day powerhouse and I piss my pants laughing with the fire hydrant force of the longest pee. Keep it coming!
Bill Brasky- Somewhere, in his decadently adorned Manhattan penthouse, Davey weeps onto his scarf through his nonprescription glasses. But that's just a watching the View thing. Then he looks at his team and the water works really start to flow. Get it together Davey boy!
Who I like on Monday night, and I mean Sam Bradford looks like a mouth breathing soulless mongoloid aka Schaub jr.
Ah, perhaps my favorite MMFB segment, the Monday night chief picks. After week 1, I'm standing at a sterling 100 percent calling all 3 predictions perfectly. EAT THAT BOOMER AND TJ. Let's see whats on deck tonight-- looks like every game is locked up, except for Brasky down 40 with Bradshaw, Caddy and a kicker in the hopper, while Lou is trotting that worthless gordo Jacobs out there. I don't think Davey's got the firepower to make it up, give me the Vick-led team going away.
Till next week! Enjoy this video of Ruben and Dfern tailgating in Ann Arbor.
-THE CHIEF
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