MMFB Week One

Vol. 1 No. 4

Pictured above: Al Canelas this morning, and every other morning for the rest of this season. Taking a Carson footlong to the dome.

Without further or do, I'd like to welcome everyone to the first official Monday Morning Fullback for the season. As Dinero nailed it with his Lion King youtube, they day that we had waited for in anticipation for months finally arrived where the hard work, shit talk and research (or lack there of Andres) rose to the top. I'll be unveiling some new segments in the spirit of last year, while also bringing back some golden oldies that everyone loves.

So...uhh, how bout them Dolphins. Here's how I felt on yesterday's game:

We knew the Fins were going to have their hands full against ATL. We knew they were going to have to come strong and play for four full quarters, either way. But no way were we expecting the epic show of balls and tits that happ. instead. The Dolphins were gang raped with ice cream scoops by one of the league's worst defensive lines on Sunday. The front office spent a millions to revamp an offensive line that couldn't open holes if they were playing against the goddamn SMURFS. Look, I could sit here and disect this bitch 100 different ways but I'm already heated enough with the god damn cable broken in my cubicle. The only respectable part of Monday is being able to cash NFL highlights from my desk to assist me in taking a steaming dump on all of you. DAMNT. F U ALL.

Now that we have that intro out of the way, lets gets down to the old timey classic, 3 up and 3 down. Onto the goods!
3 UP

1. Cohiba Swag- Raul's biggest dilemma this week? Deciding between the Mum's, Moet and Veuve champagna to send to Al. With mini bottles going to all of you skull fucks who sat there and let this guy pair up AP with Brees. "Bro but look at his receivers" BRO BUT LOOK AT YOUR ASS. Smitt's catapaulted himself to the top of the Machucando food chain. Smitts division is cowering in fear. There's no other way to put it as he bent Davey over and gave him the Avalon spanking of a life time.

2. KC Chiefs- Let me preface this that the next two could have been anyone out of a handful of people. I had Lou slotted here, then Rubz (I guess?), then those Dirty Duckets, but decided the only people who should be on the 3 up are those that have clinched a W going into Monday Night. My team cruised its way through to a Kebron victory, with the icing on the cake tonight via Marmalard and L-Tino.

3. London Silly Nanners- Lou's team is the surest bet out of the next group to top a hundee points so he gets the nod here. A ridiculous day for Tony Romo against the horrendous Buc's defense, while Santi wants to be, Santi wants to be successfulllll. But again, Lou will be on pins and needles all day knowing the Pawtucket Patriot is waiting.

3 DOWN

1. Baby Fark- Raul sneaks a poke at :46. See you on the Wire papa.

2. Sweet Home Alabama- WOOO ROLL TIDE! Simple Andres came out for week one softer then whatever overrated Alabama's current honky QB is. Fuck Willie Parque? No fuck YOU buddy. My god, what a horrendous team.

3. The Salchipapi's- What was a well rounded team is one week later, a team on the Machucando eliptical. Relax Rubz, there's 2 machines so you can still get yours. A-Gonz's injury, coupled with Braylon being on the receiving end of goodies like this, means someone will be doing a trade or two this week.

In the spirit of our league, this year's segment for guys who brought sunshine to your day is getting renamed. First year we had Rubz's Sand Dollar Surprises. Second year brought us the Amber Fernandez All Stars. This year, I present to you, the Chayanne-Smith Sensations, sponored by the Bimini Department of Tourism, Rick's D-Team Golf Carts, the Fish Guy and of course,
Keep it on your pants Raul.
-Reggie Wayne's World
-Mojo(n)
-J. Carl-son
-Orange Julius Jones (two seahawks? never again)
-Breezy
-AP
-Santi
-and MA BOY, as Smitty might recognize him....Seabiscuit. I mean Thomas Jones. (This is HOW to party in NYC)

Making its return for this season, is the annual Nahman Trophy, for the starter who left you saying nah-nah-nah-NAH man after this week. For week one it goes to:
-Braylon Edwards come on down! Honorable mention: Willie Parque, Santana Moss, Matt Schaub, Lendale White.

Who I like on Monday Night on ESPN, and I YES (c) LMFAO, all of you have your diapers strapped on for tonight:

Ah Perhaps my favorite MMFB segment, the Monday Night Chief Picks. This week, its even juicier as virtually every game hangs in the balance for tonight's East Coast-West Coast tilts. So let's break this down faster then Peter King at an airport automatic flushing toilet.

Chiefs vs. Papa's- Rivers and L-Tino seal the hundee point threshold in a Charger victory.

Hater Blockers vs. Stashes- Hmmm that is a juicy burger! Rubz can sniff his Percy charged victory (sneaky dap) like a pair of his tidie whitie's after some late night Papa Picolo's. But Jav is sitting there in his Estrada stunna shades, MEAN MUGGIN BACK. Mcstashes win on the back of Randy.

Sucka Free vs. Sweet Home- Run DMC could very well get 2 points tonight if he plays like Ronnie Brown. Give me Andres in the upset.

Duckets vs. Derkas- Weh Weh-kah only needs a couple catches to seal this W. Duckets in a close one.

Belvee vs. London- Lou is sitting in the bomb shelter right now. Hoping and wishing and praying T. Brades blows his leg. Leg will be blown. Just not this week folks. Belvee in a squeeker.

Till next week!

-THE CHIEF
"Know your role. Chief that bowl. Do your job."