Volume 1. No. 2When the dust had settled following the once again successful 3rd annual Machucando draft, what was left of the Hollanade would make Stushi DC's urine shanty (Smitty's home-away-from-homie) look like the god damn Ritz.
Sports Grille chicken wings scattered around the kitchen like a tiny pollito graveyard, horrendously shitty draft boards littering the area and the aroma of scotch and the remnants of some beyond forgettable selections still permeated the stuffy air in 409.
After dealing with my first, and surely not last as commish, shit storm of twisted opinions regarding the division and schedule alignment and rectifying the alignment, I finally had the opportunity to sit down and go pick by pick inputting the draft results. Shortly after, I puked. Everywhere.
So without further or do, here's the MMFB take on a team-by-team basis. Note: This will not be a beej banquet, I'll crap and praise (minimal) accordingly.
-Cohiba Swag Flyers-
Roast: Bigger Smitty misconception this weekend... Believing nahman could pop more then a bottle of coca cola classic at Liv on Friday night? Believing nahman could clean Ruca's piss off the couch? or believing Westbrook is going to be healthy all year?
Off 2 offseasons surgeries, turning 30 and not playing a full 16 week schedule in the past decade, I'm thinking its got to be the Westbrook choice. Actually, let me switch that to nahman tearing up Liv with several bottles. (fart noise) Will also have to live/die with the Santana pick for the third straight year.
Respekt: Luck of the irish had Smitty picking from the top spot all weekend and taking A.D.Peterson. A no brainer, while Witten at 5 was a wise choice before the TE run began. Greg Jennings is a good no.1.
Sleeper Pick: It's got to be Palmerola. The poker king went all in on this choice, evident by drafting horrendous ShELI as back up. If Palmer can get his groove back (big if...play Pittsburgh twice and Baltimore twice in that division? extra large order of de pipi please!), then Smitts will secure a spot in the playoffs.
-SUCKA FREE-
Roast: Ronnie the 26th player overall. I'll be damned if everyone here hasnt been watching Fin games for the past couple years. Between Ronnie and going with the Bernard Berrian route like I did last year, I will certainly encourage you keeping the Peptol Bismol handy on Sundees.
Respekt: Mojo at 2 is top notch, while Reggie Wayne will need to get his viejo Cane ass in gear this year to warrant WR-1 play. Love getting Gates at 74, a full 25 spots after Smitts reached for Witten.
Sleeper: Matty Ice. Year 2 for this young QB. ATL has some weapons but the Turder is the money man on this squad. Will be interesting to see how he comes out early this year.
-Baby Fark-
Roast: Maybe it was the terror that flashed in his eyes upon hearing me being named Commish, or maybe it was the thought of having to knowingly post once a week to keep his spot in this cherished league. Regardless, the chief is in the cap that Kurt Warner is going to shatter every bone in his body this year. PREPARATE. Drafting ya boy Len-Whale is the ultimate boom/bust/most likely bust start candidate.
Respekt: Rock solid top 4 choices for Davey here, that ESPN top 200 list definitely came in handy.
Sleeper: Chino Pinga. Hines always manages to cobble together a decent year in Pittsburgh.
-D3 Mighty Duckets-
Roast: Lord almighty. Good thing by the time he reads this it will be December, but this Dinero is Eddie Jones moustache pencil thin at WR (this years biggest value posish). Winslow won't help the receiving cause on the cusp of a horrible year and situation.
Respekt: Rock solid 1-2 RB punch. I also happen to love McNiggie this year after hating him for oh so long.
Sleeper: After sifting through his white WR stable (never something to boast of), I'll give it to Hasselbeck. I think he's poised for a great year.
-HATER BLOCKERS-
(FART NOISE)
Roast: My.Oh.My. Educated guesses as to where it all went wrong: 1. The 14th Rum Runner of the Night. 2. Letting Katrina draft the mid rounds while he finished up the cent, 5 cent, 10 cent, dolla dance 3. July 14 when he cut bait on the draft 4. Greg finding out there would be Sports Grille wings on hand. This draft drew hands down the biggest tears of joy to the room
I'd like to picture Rubz's tropical warroom during this spectacular live draft going down like this as his team shaped up:
(:38 being when he took Schaub in the 5th while everyone surrounding him was set at QB, :57 being when he couldn't get in touch with Greg and 1:11 remote up his own ass being when the unanimous laughter, hat flying, paper tossing erupted at rolling with Harvin as WR-2 ((in the 6th when he could have had him in the 8-9)) out of the gates and taking Hightower before Beanie. Cot. damn!)
Respekt: Couldn't botch first rounder taking CJ. Usually I prefer my 1st rounders not to have a 500 lb whale of a vulture at their goalline though. Steve Smith will get his on a run first team.
Sleeper: Ma' Man Lance Moore. He won't sniff last years stats, but he won't self-combust like when Percy goes for a duck c/o T-Jax-Rosen-Favre over the middle and meets Ray Lewis.
-Mr. Belveee-
Roast: Someone certainly has to buy that Trent Edwards is going to not suck ass blood like he has the past 3 years to roll with T.O. AND Beast Mode all year. Bills are going to finish dead last in the AFC East (Book it). Like the Moreno I just mentioned above, it will be hard to rely on Kno-show(n) all year with 4 serviceable backs behind him on a pass first team. Not a believer for now. Antonio Bryant is a bag of dicks with that QB situation.
Respekt: T-Blast is poised for a great year from the QB position. Believe it was Rubz who once said, "Historically, to win Machucando, you need a great QB." The quote is 100 percent true meaning alot of you just sharted. Then again, that quote came from the guy who took Schaub.
Sleeper: Rounds 6 through 10 are all shakier then Mr. Belveee couch surfing at JET. I'll take Kevin Boss late, a serviceable TE and great value.
-The Salchipaps-
Roast: Braylon Edwards as WR-1 wasn't good 2 years ago, much less in 2009. Ray Rice does nothing for me knowing Big Mac is on goalline and Willis is at midfield/every other series.
Respekt: Beanie 2 picks after Rubz took Hightower was genius. Ryan Grant is going to have a bounce back year.
Sleeper: Putting me in a deeeep sleeeep here, but I'll go with the nice serviceable WR trio you got late in Mason, Breaston, A-Gonz etc. When Dinero reads this in week 2 and is 2 strikes down via participation policy, he will come a knocking for some depth.
-KC Chiefs-
Roast: Myself? A quick peek at the arsenal assembled has me shaking my head at mah boay Thomas Jones. He's like Lee Evans to me, someone I'm not thrilled at, but someone who led the AFC in rushing last year (WINK!)
Respekt: Calvin, Colston and Royal with Clark to boot. I'll put that Holy PPR Trinity up against the best in town. Also banking on the LT revival.
Sleeper: Following the QB rule in Machucando, I don't think it could have been any better then me landing the biggest dickhead QB in the NFL following a record season. I'll be making this face all day......MARMALARD!!!
-GOD DAMN DERKA'S-
Roast: It's hard to hate on Al when I had him the full mount ground and pound on him all draft selecting before him. Guy left the Hollanade with the inprint of 2 ghostbuster lunchboxes on his dome. Lee Evans. Julius Jones and now 99 problems and Addai is one. Does anyone want any of these 3 starting?
Respekt: Love your 1-2 pics. That's all I got. Also, your team avatar made me piss my pants laughing.
Sleeper: Child Please. If anyone needs to bring it back to the bottom of the map its Ochocinc's. '
-London Silly Nannies-
Roast: Everyone is going ape shit post-Rubz pics then he had to go and take Marvin Harrison. Lou, "I mean he's old but I know he's good for a couple receptions." Me, "He aint in the league BROTHA" Speaking from Romo experience, guy is an INT machine and your 2 WR is on life support. Only 30 days till you trade Reggie Bush.
Respekt: Solid RB stable, menos mal!
Sleeper: Olsen is going to be a top flight TE this year. Mike Vick in the last pick, just putting it out there.
-Wanny McStashes-
Roast: Steven Jackson is looking at 90 guys in the box. This is not an exageration lol. Taking D-bowe and Roy Will, 2 serviceable guys, cost you dearly across the board. You aren't going to win a sun juice smoothie, let alone this league, with those QB's.
Respekt: Randy Boss is back and I suppose Derrick Ward will do ok in his timeshare.
Sleeper: Downtown Donald Brown. Guy will make the most of his 10-12 carries in that offense.
-Sweet Home Alabama-
Roast: Last night in Miami and you draft this tortillera of garbage? I think someone already hard the Grim Reaper in the South calling and he sounded like this:
(:11 seconds, your dorm roomate. who already is getting more poon)
D'Angelo Williams is this years thucka alexander, willie parker has little left in the tank to go with facing baltimore twice a year, cedric benson with pitt AND balt twice a year. Co-nio.
Respekt: Dre J is always bringing it, think Housh will have a decent year. Love Aaron Rodgers but think he is top notch trade bait considering some guys here are trotting out Schaub.
Sleeper: No one. You took Visanthe Shiancoe late when you already took Cooley. WTF do you want me to do when I have to witness this.
And that about wraps it up swizzledicks. Feel free to comment on here or take it back to the Yahoo boards to get it going with your opinion on your draft, anyones or mines. All trades are being explored right now.
Till then, I will be sitting in the last row. Keeping my hands busy, just like an old friend always does.
-THE CHIEF
"Know your role. Chief that Bowl. Do your job"
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